Disha, there’s a girl in my coaching class. She always sits with me and we regularly exchange notes, smiles and likes me. How can I convince her to kiss me?  Ayaan, 16. 

Oh, Ayaan my dear, you’ve just opened a can of butterflies, haven’t you? Let’s navigate this maze of teenage crushes together.

The great misconception

First off, let’s tackle the elephant in the room. Just because she’s sharing her notes with you doesn’t mean she’s ready to share her ChapStick. I remember when I was your age, I thought my crush’s “Hi” meant “Marry me.” Spoiler alert: It didn’t.

Before you even think about locking lips, let’s focus on locking down a solid friendship. Why not start with something less intimidating, like a conversation about your favorite Marvel movie? Trust me, a shared love for Spider-Man can weave stronger bonds than any web.

Focus on being her friend first. Know her likes, dislikes and everything about her. This way, if you click, you can slowly start hanging out more too. I know, I know you only have one question in mind – how do you bridge the gap from “note buddies” to “maybe more”? 

Start small

Start with small gestures like asking her which schools she goes to, what she does in her free time, and if she is on social media where you guys could talk. If she gives it – great – you can text her.

Once you guys start talking, and you feel the time is right, and you’ve sensed some mutual interest, why not plan a small, thoughtful gesture? Maybe a handwritten note (yes, I know old school hai but it’s cute!) saying you enjoy her company and would like to hang out outside of class. Yes, you still can’t ask her to kiss you, it doesn’t happen like that bro! 

What next? 

If she’s not on the same page, then it’s a no-go. Let’s say she’s not interested. It’s not the end of the world, although it might feel like it. I once wrote a poem for my crush, only to find out he was more into wrestling than my poems. Did it sting? Sure. But I bounced back, and so will you.

And if she says, yes, sure, let’s meet sometime. Well, that’s a great start, Lessgooo Ayaan! Take her out or just hang out in her society park or wherever she is comfortable. Start with small gestures. Express yourself. Get to know her. 

Start a conversation by asking about her favorite subject in school or what she likes to do in her free time. This shows you’re interested in her as a person. Feeling nervous? Practice what you want to say in front of a mirror or with a trusted friend. It can help boost your confidence when the time comes.

Or plan a casual hangout by suggesting a group study session at the library or a friendly badminton match at the local court. It’s a low-pressure way to spend more time together.

So here are a few Disha’s Dos and Don’ts for your date:

• Do be yourself. Authenticity is key.
• Don’t rush things. Good things take time.
• Do respect her space and decisions.
• Don’t forget to laugh. Humor is a great icebreaker.
• Do keep being a good friend, regardless of the outcome.

But what about a kiss? 

And here is a Spoiler Alert – Kiss will happen when it’s meant to happen. The best part is – you don’t plan such things! The simple way to make sure she wants it too – ask her in simple words – Can I kiss you?

But  Ayaan, whatever her response is, accept it with grace. If she’s not interested, it’s not a reflection of your worth. You’re still the awesome, note-sharing, crush-having individual you were before. And remember, whether it’s a yes or a no, life goes on, and there are plenty more adventures waiting for you.

So, keep your chin up, your heart open, and your notes flowing. Who knows? One day, you might just look back and smile at these bittersweet, note-passing days.

#AskDisha is an advice column run by the editorial team at TeenBook India. The advice given in the columns is science-based but general in nature. Parents and adolescents should seek help from a professional or expert for specific concerns or issues.