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My Diary

Why doesn’t anyone talk about it?

Kavya has finally come to terms with not feeling guilty for some of the feelings she experienced as a teenager. However, it took her almost five years to feel ok about them! She wonders why no one talks about these feelings. She shares three entries (five years apart) from her diary.

got my periods

Photo: Shutterstock/ELAKSHI CREATIVE BUSINESS/Person in the photo is a model. 

Date: 20 Jan 2016

Dear Diary, 

I can’t believe I am already 13. Woo hoo, a teenager! I look so different, got my periods, not to forget my breasts are growing, I have hair in my armpits and the very horrible pimples! 

I also have a confession to make! I have got a crush on Dhruv. Sometimes when I see him, I  even get butterflies in my stomach. Is this normal?

Date: 29 April 2019  

Dear Diary, 

This afternoon I was watching a teen series on Netflix. Some of the lovey-dovey scenes invoked a weird feeling in my body. 

Then one of the characters used a term to describe the feeling as “sexual urge”. I was not sure what it meant. I decided to Google it and read more about it.

I couldn’t believe my eyes as I saw the search results. It said that sexual urges/desires signify an interest, wish, or inclination towards sex related things. Oh My God! I have no idea how I should handle this or what I should do about this feeling?

Who should I talk about this with? Definitely not mummy! What would she think about me? Oh, this is so much harder than talking to her about my first period! I feel so guilty. I am so afraid. 

Perhaps I should just ignore this feeling! 

Date: 22-3-2021

Dear Diary, 

Today I went to Avni’s house. We gossiped so much!  She told me she had kissed a senior! Her first kiss! When I asked her to explain this feeling, she said it ran through her body, like a strange current! 

So this feeling (or sexual urge as Google calls it) is normal! Avni told me that a lot of our friends feel the same way too. I can’t explain how big a relief this is. It somehow made me feel normal again. Phew! 

got a crush

Photo: Shutterstock/ELAKSHI CREATIVE BUSINESS/Person in the photo is a model.

To protect the identity, the person in the picture is a model and names have been changed. 

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