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My Diary

‘He would laugh at me for asking things’

Shagun (15) felt humiliated when her boyfriend would laugh at small things and make fun of her. Earlier she thought that he was just teasing her. But it somehow did not feel right to be treated that way. She shares a page of her diary with us. 

Dear Diary,

I know I haven’t written in a long time but things have been a little weird lately. First of all, you remember how I told you about my crush who approached me on Instagram, right? Well, when he texted, I was ecstatic! We couldn’t stop talking and would text each other day and night. We shared so many interests, he even enjoyed the same movies as I did! 

Also, don’t forget to check out this amazing video on What Makes A Relationship Healthy? Read the rest of the article, below video: 

So after a few weeks of talking, he asked me to be his girlfriend, I said yes! As you already know I have never had a boyfriend before so I was just really happy about this. We would meet in our evening classes and text on the phone for the rest of the day. Things were going really well but then I started to notice some weird things too.

Little things

At first, it was just him laughing at me when I asked about a term I didn’t understand in football or memes on social media and I ignored that. But then I realised I had started to hide things from him because I didn’t wanna feel stupid for not knowing. 

Whenever I had a question or something that confused me, he would laugh and make me feel stupid for not knowing it. Or the time I hit 5k followers on my cooking account, and he told me that it’s not a big deal and I shouldn’t let it get to my head. 

Even when I talked to him about how I wanted to be a lawyer in the future, he laughed it off and reacted in a way that made me regret even telling him about it. I know it seems like little things but they made me feel really bad about myself.

And I never even realised how his behaviour was affecting my self-esteem because I was so smitten with him. But once it hit me I started to notice all the things he had done and the ways he had started to belittle me for everything. 

Was I not smart enough? 

Be it the things I found funny, or the things I loved. He would find a way to make me feel bad about it. I started to keep things to myself and stopped participating in group conversations assuming that they wouldn’t find my input helpful either. I avoided competitions and underestimated myself a lot because I thought I wasn’t smart enough to do anything. 

When I tried to talk to him, he said that I didn’t know how to take a joke and I was overreacting. All of this was affecting me so much that I stopped talking to my best friends. I mean I couldn’t even write to you! 

My sister noticed my slip in moods and tried to talk to me. After a lot of poking, I finally decided to tell her everything and we had a heart-to-heart which made me feel a lot better. She told me I was in an unhealthy relationship. Since our talk, I have decided to break up with my boyfriend and then I thought I should tell you all about it.

It may take a little while to get my confidence back up again but I promise I’m going to try my best and never let anyone else dictate my worth again. I’ll update you about my progress very soon.

Photo: Shutterstock/Red Fox studio/Person in the photo is a model. Names changed.

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