Hey Disha, my friend Shagun (and even a few others I am close to) never pay attention to what I have to say, like ever. I listen to all her problems, cribs and also her rants. But when it comes to sharing my problems with her, she just seems so disinterested! I feel so neglected. What to do? Shivi, 14, Gurugram.
Being a good listener
Hello Shivi and I would like to start by saying that this situation has a major relate-moment to me. I mean I agree I’m a great listener, ekdum the top level. I used to actually not just listen but also give advice to her after listening! See main hun he itni achi!
Hehe, but jokes apart every listener needs a listener too sometimes. And the friend I had through high school did not possess that quality sadly. I’m not blaming her, but it would have been nice to be asked how I felt for a change.
Acha, acha getting back to you, I understand how you’re feeling. Everybody needs to vent now and then and who better to vent to than friends? Bro, that’s what friends are for. And when you don’t get that, you might feel a little neglected and that’s not a good feeling. But worry not, we’re here to talk about it.
Also, don’t forget to check out this wonderful video that explains how to be a good listener! ( article below the video)
Taste of their own medicine
I know it sounds a bit harsh, but try being them for one day. I mean, listen to them, talk to them but pretend that you are not paying attention to what they say. Just behave like they do when you are talking to them. I know it’s a bit tough, it’s not your nature but hey, you know until they realise this feeling of being ignored and not being paid attention to, they won’t understand what you are going through.
So next time they say, hey Shivi, guess what I have some super cool stuff to share with you – just yawn and pretend to be disinterested when they are speaking. And when they ask you, why are you behaving like this – grab the moment! Ask them how they felt – neglected? And then talk. Talk about the issue.
Communication is the key!
So the next thing you have to do is talk to them about their behaviour. I know you’ve tried but try one more time. Sit them down and let them know how you’re feeling. Tell them how they can better themselves and be cool pro max about it. We don’t want to get into a fight now, do we? Plus maybe they don’t even realise they’re talking over you. So just give them a chance and if they do make an effort, it’s worth a try my lord, trust me.
After you’ve talked to them, I strongly suggest giving it some time. After all, Rome wasn’t built in a day, my friend. So just have some patience, give them time to understand what you guys talked about and you’ll know if anything changes.
And if it doesn’t, that’s just the way it is. Everyone has different good and bad qualities, and maybe listening is not particularly a good one for them. And I’m sure you can talk to your other friends. And if not, I’m always here mere dost. Come talk to me on our Instagram inbox and I will listen as long as you need me to 🙂
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#AskDisha is an advice column run by the editorial team at TeenBook India. The advice given in the columns is science-based but general in nature. Parents and adolescents should seek help from a professional or expert for specific concerns or issues.