Hi Disha. Everyone keeps using the word “gaslighting” in school and online. I know it’s supposed to be bad, but I don’t really understand what it means. Can you explain it? Tanya,14.

Heyyy. Very valid question. Because let’s be honest you’re not the only one confused about this one. Gaslighting is one of those words that shows up everywhere. Reels, rants, comment sections, random conversations in school. Everyone uses it very confidently but  … but the moment you ask, “Okay, but what does it actually mean?” suddenly everyone needs water, WiFi, and time to think.

So let’s talk about it properly. 

What gaslighting actually means

Gaslighting is when someone makes you doubt your own thoughts, feelings, or memory.

And no, it’s not dramatic. There’s no big fight, no dhum tana nana na in the background, no moment where you dramatically realise the truth while staring out of a window.

It’s more like this. You’re sure about how something felt. Then five minutes later you’re thinking, “Wait… am I being dramatic?” even though nothing actually changed.

You didn’t imagine it. Your brain is just being messed with.

Let’s say you tell a friend, “I felt really bad when you ignored me all day.”

They reply, “What are you talking about? I didn’t ignore you.”

Now you’re mentally opening WhatsApp, Instagram, your memory, your soul. Did they actually ignore you or did you just overreact? Did they reply late or did you check too fast?

If this happens once, fine. If this becomes a pattern, welcome to overthinking season.

Why gaslighting is about control

Gaslighting is not just lying or remembering things differently. It’s about always needing to be right.

One person becomes the final authority on reality. The other starts collecting screenshots like evidence, over explaining feelings, and practising conversations in the shower that may never even happen.

That’s not communication. That’s emotional chess, and you didn’t even agree to play. Gaslighting does not only happen in romantic relationships.

It can happen in friendships when someone says something rude and later says, “I was joking, why are you being dramatic?” It can happen in friend groups where your reaction gets more attention than what actually caused it. It can even happen at home when your feelings are dismissed as unnecessary drama.

Basically, if the sentence starts with “Why are you reacting like this?” instead of “Why did I do that?” take note.

Common gaslighting lines you might recognise

These phrases deserve their own playlist because they show up so often.

“You’re overreacting.”
“That never happened.”
“You’re too sensitive.”
“Why do you make everything such a big deal?”

Hearing these once in a while is normal. Hearing them every single time you speak up is not.

How gaslighting usually makes you feel

Gaslighting often leaves you feeling confused and weirdly guilty. You might apologise even when you’re not sure what you’re apologising for.

You may stop bringing things up because explaining yourself feels tiring. Staying quiet starts to feel easier, even though it shouldn’t.

If silence feels safer than talking, something is off.

Gaslighting versus normal disagreements

Disagreements are normal. Different opinions are normal.

In a healthy disagreement, someone might say, “I don’t see it that way, but I get why you felt bad.” In gaslighting, the response sounds more like, “Why are you like this?”

One response listens. The other shuts things down.

If someone keeps making you doubt your memory, your reactions, or your feelings, pause and notice it. You’re not “too much.” You’re just responding to something real.

You deserve relationships where you can talk without feeling like you need screenshots, witnesses, or a full presentation to be taken seriously.

Always.

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