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‘What if I am not as good as her?’
Samaira (14) is a wonderful dancer but she keeps comparing herself to Jiya. This is not just hampering her peace of mind but also her self-esteem. She shares a page of her diary with us.
I love to dance but…
It’s almost 12 a.m. and I am unable to sleep because of so many thoughts. I check my phone again. There’s an email I received a few hours ago from my dance academy. I almost don’t want to open it because it’s about the dancers that have been selected for a dance competition. Dance! This word puts a smile on my face.
Dance has always been my happy place. It helps me escape from all the stress about workload at school or assignments. That’s why dance classes are the best part about my day; but something is changing these days! Dance is stressing me out.
I have always considered myself as a great dancer, but this girl Jiya always takes away my limelight. The other day, when my dance teacher couldn’t recall my name while positioning us for our dance routine, I was really frustrated and upset.
I told myself that it was nothing! The teacher knows me well and maybe he was just a little distracted at that time. However, I have never seen him forget Jiya’s name.
Comparing myself to others?
Maybe I keep comparing myself to others and overthink situations. But I have no idea how to stop myself from doing that. Every time I try to forget about it, I start somethings we are already doing. Some we need to undertake. visualizing Jiya being praised for her outstanding performance, and I see myself as always overlooked.
I am a good dancer too, but I never get attention like her. My dance teacher has never given me a centre position for performance. You might think I am dumb for thinking all of this, but I just want to make the best out of all the opportunities I have and not lose them because to other people, like Jiya.
Just in the morning today, I was talking to my best friend, Nandini. I told her how it makes me so upset because everyone likes Jiya in my dance class. Anyone hardly appreciates my performances!
It’s a loop!
She told me that it was all okay and I was still learning! Her response made me feel worse. Did she mean that I was not a great dancer? I was really angry. Then Nandini said that I was a good dancer but maybe Jiya is a better dancer than me. It really broke my heart.
She actually said what I always keep thinking about and scared about the most! What if I am not as good as Jiya! Maybe that’s the reason she is praised so much and I am not. OMG!! I am not as good as Jiya!! Despite dancing for so many years, I am not good enough. Should I quit dancing?
Maybe they did not select me too in that competition. Let me come back to you after checking my email!
(After 5 min!)
Heyyyy Diary! I am so so happy! I have been selected in that competition. I opened the message with almost no hope but then I saw my name! And I had almost forgotten about all of those negative thoughts I was sharing with you earlier. But then, something happened.
As I scrolled down the list, I saw that Jiya’s name was also there. Now, again, I can’t stop comparing myself to her. It’s like a loop in my head, and I am always mixed with so many thoughts to a point that I don’t know what to do about it! Maybe I should listen to Nandini and keep doing my best and accept the fact that Jiya is actually a better dancer than I am. Maybe there is a lot to learn and I am a work in progress.
