My fourteen-year-old son was generally being a bit chatty the other day and talking about trends in the school and what everyone is up to these days etc; so, the sneaky mom avatar in me rose to the occasion and asked him if he was having an affair with anyone. 

He looked at me in a way that would put a puppy’s tilted head with curious eyes to shame. He said, “Ma, what’s an affair?” Now it was my turn to tilt my head, and I said, “You know, having an affair with a girl, being in a relationship?” 

He smiled and said – “Oh I thought affair meant legal affairs like I have studied in Civics. No Ma, I am not having an ‘affair’ (he air-quoted, and I swallowed my need to roll my eyes), and it is called seeing someone or cuffing.” And that was that. I learned a new word, did not roll my eyes at the suggestive ‘you’re old’ comment and he told me what was going on. 

He got up and left to play football IRL, but I stayed seated on my couch for a few more minutes, engrossed deeply into my teen years (the 90’s if you’re wondering) and how my mom would have felt when I used to dismiss her interest in my life quite rudely.

 There was one incident when I was trying to act too cool for school and head-banging to a song by the band ‘Guns N Roses’ which my classmates used to listen to, and I desperately wanted to fit into that group. I had bought the cassette with my pocket money, opened the cover, and memorized the lyrics the whole day and was practicing my head-banging moves in front of the mirror with my crazy hair all over my face, fully convinced that I was performing live in front of a huge audience when my mom walked in. I hate to admit this, but I am sure my mom would have swallowed a great deal of feelings that day and then proceeded to gently ask me what I was doing. The feelings could have ranged from uncontrollable laughter, the ridiculousness of the scene, utter shock about her daughter studying ‘paryayvachi shabd’ a few hours ago and suddenly transforming into this unrecognizable creature, and of course the ludicrous bodily and facial movements she was making. 

I remember turning red with embarrassment, yet choosing to stay cool and saying this is the latest trend and she would not know much about this as she was too old. She did not respond to that but continued saying how she may have heard of the band and would want to know more. I remember mocking her so badly upon hearing this and saying how she is making up stuff to act young. Aah! I wish I could go back and apologize to her at that moment because I think I hurt her feelings that day and she later told me that the reason she said what she did was not to act young but to stay abreast of things going on in my life. 

I did manage to apologize to her when I grew up and had my own child, but this incident did teach me a thing or two about projections. How we all tend to project our own needs or fears onto others.

Today I find it very easy to overlook some things like – comments, body language, mood swings, and strange behavior displayed by my son that may come across as rude but is not meant to be. I take space and time, pause a bit, and take recourse to the ‘Guns N Roses’ incident. I see how things changed over time for me and I trust that they will for my teen too. Just like us, our teens are going through a huge phase of their lives, so tiny amounts of feeling old here, and out of place there will not hurt us parents.

And I hope that all our teen readers agree that all we want is for them to be happy, whole, and loving grown-ups and that when we ask you stuff we are not acting young or trying to be cool, we just still want to know what’s going on 😊

Kanika Kush, TeenBook’s Parent Expert, offers teens a fun and relatable glimpse into the parent perspective, helping us understand what’s going on in their parents’ minds as they navigate the teen years together. Check out her YouTube  page here. 

Editor’s Note: Say hello to our new column on TeenBook, where we flip the script and give parents the mic! While TeenBook is all about helping Indian teens figure out life, this space is for parents to spill the tea, share their insights, and offer advice as they try to keep up with their teens and survive the wild ride of adolescence. It’s the parent POV you didn’t know you needed!