I was eleven when I got my first period and naturally my body filled out. I had to go shopping for clothes and I remember how suddenly I went from medium to large.

The same shopkeeper who would bring a size small to me earlier without blinking an eye, started staring at me and saying to my mom ‘Isko large size aayega na madam?’ (A large size will fit her right ma’am?). Unfortunately, in those days – I am talking about in the 90’s, things were not as open as they are today and bodies and discussion around them were a bit of a taboo. Yet, judgement through labels and looks was prevalent like Covid19 virus with no mask protection or antibodies. Everybody was affected. So yes, I hear you – 90’s kids. We’ve seen our share of nonsensical times, haven’t we? 

Cut to today. 2024. Here is another story. One day I was picking up my son from school and we decided to stop at a coffee shop on the way back home. After we responded to the cheery ‘Hello ma’am, hello sir, welcome to xyz café’ and went over to place our order, the barista asked the usual – ‘Ma’am this will be regular, tall or Grande?’ I have lost count of the number of coffees I have had in my life, but on this winter day of 2023, the little eleven-year-old Kanika visited me suddenly from my past and asked me the following question: ‘Are you still hung up about the name given to something as mundane as size?’. 

Hmm. Interesting I thought. I mulled over this question for a bit and then realised how unknowingly and unintentionally my parents may have made me feel odd and awkward about my size or my weight, in my teenage years. While their intentions were well meaning and they came from a place of love, it still did not stop from creating a feeling of shame about my body, in my mind. 

I mean, I just told you how the eleven-year-old me, visited me in a swanky café right? Like suddenly out of the blue! I wish and hope that today all parents and children alike understand that size is size. That is all. Just like grades do not define a child’s intelligence, capability, or potential; similarly, ‘small, medium, large’ etc do not define a child’s or an adult’s self-worth, self-image, or confidence. They are just names given to sizes of clothes, so that they can fit us best. 

Clothes are supposed to fit our beautiful bodies; our bodies are not meant to fit clothes. When did this phenomenon even emerge? It is ridiculous to say the least!

While we will keep countering the emergence of new issues to deal with, with every new generation (including the machines that may have feelings; Artificial Emotions, duh!) – all we can do as parents is to communicate better. This means not just talking to them but also listening actively. For example, if your usually cheerful child suddenly seems withdrawn, instead of brushing it off as “a bad mood,” try gently asking open-ended questions like, “I noticed you’ve been quiet lately. Do you want to talk about it?” Being in touch with our kids’ feelings involves paying attention to subtle changes—like a slouched posture, avoiding eye contact, or an unusual silence—and responding with curiosity rather than judgment. If you sense something off, addressing it early can prevent bigger issues from festering. And if the situation feels beyond your expertise, remember, there’s no shame in seeking professional help. Today, there are counselors, online resources, and community groups ready to step in when needed. After all, acknowledging the small shifts is often the first step to helping our kids feel truly understood.

I am sure all parents will agree that at the end of the day all we need is for our children to be happy, healthy, capable, compassionate, and whole human beings. 

Here’s to raising beautiful children for a beautiful future!

Kanika Kush, TeenBook’s Parent Expert, offers teens a fun and relatable glimpse into the parent perspective, helping us understand what’s going on in their parents’ minds as they navigate the teen years together. Check out her YouTube  page here. 

Editor’s Note: Say hello to our new column on TeenBook, where we flip the script and give parents the mic! While TeenBook is all about helping Indian teens figure out life, this space is for parents to spill the tea, share their insights, and offer advice as they try to keep up with their teens and survive the wild ride of adolescence. It’s the parent POV you didn’t know you needed!