Oye Diary,

Remember Suman? Today she told me in secret that she’s planning on doing “it” with her boyfriend (it, baba… Sex!). But she sounded unsure, and come to think of it, how does one know for sure that they are ready for sex?”

I remember seeing a video on the internet talking about the legal side of things. Like, the law says no one under 18 can consent to sex. But just because you’re 18 doesn’t mean you’re magically ready, right? It’s like, just ’cause you hit a certain age doesn’t mean you’ve got all the answers.

Also, it’s not just about skipping the baby-making or steering clear of those nasty STIs like herpes, HIV, and HPV. I mean, sure, you gotta be in the know and all that jazz. 

And what about the emotional aspects? Like, how do you know you’re mentally ready for sex? Or whether you’re with the right partner? There are no easy answers, but it would be impossible to attempt these questions without being honest with your partner and most importantly- with yourself! 

I also threw some of these questions at Suman earlier today.
“Are you and your guy connecting on a deep level?”
“Are you both open about what’s going down with the whole sex deal?”
I asked if she was sure that he’d respect your boundaries and choices and if they both genuinely pumped to take this step together?”
She has promised me to at least think about it all. I told her that If she decides she isn’t ready, then it’s okay to say no. But if she’s leaning toward yes, she should be well-informed and have open conversations with her boyfriend. And, of course, she always has me, her friend, to talk things through.

I also shared a really cool poster with her on consent. It was called ‘Picture your French fries, girl!’ and then went on to explain the concept of consent.

– ‘Freely given’ means it’s your choice, no pressure.
–  ‘Reversible’ means you can change your mind anytime.
–  ‘Informed’ is about knowing all the facts before diving in.
– ‘Enthusiastic’ means you’re both really into it, not just meh.
– ‘Specific’ means you’re clear on what you’re okay with. It’s all about keeping things chill, and respectful.

Well, I sure gave her a lot of food for thought. Here’s hoping she makes the decision that’s best for her.

Goodnight Diary!

To dive deeper into Nisha’s life, visit Go Nisha Go. 

To lern more about the topic, check out this topic :

Exploring myself

Dear Diary, 

As a child, I hated wearing frocks, never liked Barbies, and always refused to paint my nails. My mother always called me a tomboy. I grew up in Dubai with my family. As my teenage years rolled in, I began to really like Khushi, my closest friend in school. The emotion was really vague but I recall having butterflies in my tummy whenever I saw her.

Sometime during that phase, I saw ‘Summertime’ – a 2015 film on lesbian romance and my feelings towards Khushi became clearer to me. I had a crush on her! 

While watching that movie, I kept telling myself, ‘No, no! Twinkle, Papa will be furious if he finds out’. 

But I couldn’t control how I felt for girls.  Every time I was home alone, I searched for sexual orientation and watched more lesbian films. It felt incredibly comforting to know that I was not alone who, being a girl, liked girls. There were more people like me and yes the term ‘lesbian’ was now roaring in my head.

I began to explore how to raise this topic within my family. I once played a lesbian movie in front of my parents, just to see their reactions. But it broke my heart. ‘This sort of thing (being a lesbian) happens to kids whose parents have committed some great sins in their lives,’ my father declared. 

For days, I was traumatised by that statement. I was now uncomfortable in my own house and spent several sleepless nights pondering over my situation. I also felt ashamed of myself.

That girl in class

In 2020, our lives were hit by the Coronavirus pandemic and my father made a quick decision to move to India. I was happy because I believed that India was a bit more liberal than Dubai in accepting people from the LGBT community. 

Being in Mumbai gave me a good start to my new life. I was enjoying my online classes and having my extended family – uncles, aunts, cousins – to talk to. 

Everything was going pretty routine, until one day, our teacher began a discussion on the LGBT community.  I was expecting the same old conversations on how people from the LGBT community are neglected etc but then a girl, our classmate, shared something intriguing. She said she was bisexual and had been thrown out of her home. Her parents did not accept her. 

I was shaken to the core when she asked if there were any other LGBT people in the class. I was almost on the edge of saying it out loud, but I did not. It won’t make a big difference to mine or her life, I thought. 

Months passed and I couldn’t stop thinking about the girl in my class, who was brave enough to accept her sexual orientation and not be ashamed of it. I wished I had the same guts.

I like girls

Meanwhile, I was enjoying living with my cousins in India. My chachi and her daughter Shagun, who was almost my age, were my closest buddies at home. Six months of living together brought us really close. We talked, watched TV and went on our evening walks together. 

I often wondered what would happen if I told them my truth. After that incident in class, I was so desperate to share this with someone. It was like an itch. I had to tell someone because the burden of not sharing with anyone was too much. 

I knew I could trust my cousin and chachi with my secret. I was also mentally prepared that they wouldn’t really understand my feelings. But I still went ahead. 

One day, when we went out for our usual evening walk, I stopped midway and asked them to hear me out. ‘Please don’t tell this to my mummy and papa’, were my first words. My chachi and cousin looked confused but they were all ears.  Then I just blurted it out, ‘I am a lesbian. I do not like boys, but girls.’ 

Shagun didn’t know how to react and simply kept gazing at me, which kind of freaked me out, but my chachi said, ‘Aah, koi nahi. It is not such a bad thing at all’, she continued walking like it wasn’t a big deal.

That was it? She really did not mind at all? Was it just a normal thing for her? I kept wondering if I had done the right thing. 

‘Go find some cute guys’

I guess my chachi was taking some time to process what I had said. The next day, she told me, ‘You were in an all-girl school in Dubai. You must have never got many chances to be with or interact with boys’. So that was the case. She was trying to figure out a reason for me declaring myself a lesbian. And there it was – the lack of sufficient opportunity to meet boys! She then advised me to approach ‘cute guys’ and go out on a date with them. ‘Twinkle, it’s simply a phase, and some sort of confusion, which will go away with time’, she added. 

Chachi’s response to my confession brought all fears to reality. No one would ever understand. I did not try to further reason it out with her and just kept quiet as she continued to advise me on how to go out with boys. 

I never brought this topic up again because her brushing aside my feelings irritated me. What further irritated me was her trying to cajole me to ‘be interested in boys’.

A part of me now feels very insecure. What would my future be like? If I share this with my parents, would they also behave in the same manner? Will they make me marry a boy? I guess only time will tell. But I feel I will have to live like this – keeping my true identity to myself. 

The person in the photo is a model. Names changed. 

Would you like to share your feelings with TeenBook? Send us your thoughts in the comments box! Remember, not to put any personal information in the comment box.

What is HIV? 

Human Immunodeficiency Virus (HIV), is an immune-system-attacking virus, which causes AIDS. AIDS is short for Acquired Immune Deficiency Syndrome.  

How do you get HIV?

HIV is spread through body fluids, i.e semen or vaginal fluids ( fluids that come out of the penis and vagina), breast milk, blood, saliva etc. How does this happen? 

1. Having sex with an infected person without using condoms. 
2. Kissing also spreads HIV because saliva gets interchanged during intimate kissing.
3. During childbirth (and breastfeeding) from an infected mother to her baby. 
4. By accidentally sharing infected needles ( through doctors or tattoos). 

HIV does NOT spread through

1. Sharing of food or water. 
2. Mosquito bite. 
3. Spit, pee and poop contact. 
4. Cough or sneeze. 

What are the signs that you’ve got HIV?

The first signs of an HIV infection can appear like a common cold or flu, which is why most people aren’t aware that they’ve been infected. Without treatment, these flu-like symptoms clear up by themselves.

If you notice signs like fever, headache, rash, diarrhoea, and sore throat three to six weeks after you’ve had unsafe sex, it may be wise to get tested for HIV. But of course, the trouble is most people wouldn’t first consider these signs of an HIV infection.

Without treatment, these flu-like symptoms clear up by themselves. However, if you’re infected with HIV, the infection doesn’t go away. Instead, over the next eight to ten years, the infection silently destroys your immune system. And as you progress to the late stages of HIV infection also known as AIDS.

Apart from this, some signs of HIV infection are:  

• Severe weight loss
• Loss of appetite
• Constant diarrhoea
• Skin cancer
• Meningitis

What is AIDS? 

AIDS is a disease that happens because of the HIV virus. HIV is an incurable disease. However, treatments are available to prolong the time you remain healthy before developing AIDS. Someone who’s infected with HIV and on treatment can live up to 20 years before developing AIDS.

How can you protect yourself from getting HIV?

1. Use condoms while having any kind of sexual contact.
2.  Use sterilised needles every time you get a blood transfusion. 
3.  Make sure to use new sterilised needles for tattooing and body piercing.
4.  Do not inject drugs or share needles. 
5. Do not share razor blades or any personal hygiene stuff with anyone. 
6. Avoid touching blood or cuts. 

Photo: Shutterstock/Odua Images/Person in the photo is a model. 

Do you have any questions that are bothering you? Share with us in the comments box below. Remember no rude words or personal information in the comment box! 

STD and STI – what’s the difference? 

There’s a difference between an STI and an STD. You’ve got a sexually transmitted infection (STI) when you’ve been infected through having unprotected sex. If the infection causes symptoms, such as unusual discharge from your penis or vagina, you’ve got a sexually transmitted disease (STD). 

The only difference between an STI and an STD is whether you’ve got symptoms. Either way, you still have an infection you can pass on to someone else.

How do they spread? 

Sexually transmitted diseases (STDs) are infections that you can get mainly through unprotected vaginal, anal, and oral sex. When we say unprotected sex, we mean sex without a condom.

How to protect from STDs? 

1. Use condoms if you are sexually active. 
2. Girls can also get vaccinated against the HP virus, which causes genital warts, an STD that can cause cervical cancer.

Symptoms of STDs for girls 

• Pain when you pee
• Pain when you have sex
• Bleeding in between your periods or when you’ve had sex
• Yellow, green, or bloody vaginal discharge
• Strong vaginal odour
• Itchy labia, vulva, or pubic hair
• Anal discharge
• Bumps, sores, warts or blisters on the genitals or anus area
• Abdominal pain

Symptoms of STDs for boys  

• Pain when you pee or when you have sex
• Discharge from your penis or from your anus
• Bumps, sores, warts, or blisters in the genital or anus area
• Pain in one or both testicles

Get Tested

The problem with STDs is that you might not have any symptoms, but you can still pass on the infection. Or it takes a really long time for the symptoms to show up. With HIV for example, you can be infected for up to 10 years without any major symptoms! 

So even if you or your partner looks healthy, that may not mean that you actually are healthy. That’s why it’s important to get tested regularly if you have unprotected sex or you think you may have an STD. Because treatment will also lower your risk of getting another infection, like HIV.

How can they be treated? 

The causes and treatment of STDs can be caused by either bacteria, viruses or parasites. Science has come up with very effective medications against many STDs. like antibiotics and anti-viral treatments.

But remember that not all STDs have a cure. HIV/AIDS is still fatal, for example. So it’s important to protect yourself and have safe sex, then you won’t have to worry about a cure.

Photo: Shutterstock/Aleem Zahid Khan/Person in the photo is a model. 

Do you have any questions that are bothering you? Share with us in the comments box below. Remember no rude words or personal information in the comment box! 

Hello, breasts! 

Most girls notice that their bodies start to change anywhere between the age of 9 and 16. Some girls start and end puberty earlier than others. During puberty, your breasts become bigger and start growing. It can start when you’re as young as eight, but might not begin until you’re thirteen.

Before we proceed, do check out this wondering video on breast size: 

The growth of breasts is a part of the development of our reproductive organs. Breasts are the source of milk, which a newborn feeds on. Thus they are mainly made up of glands that produce milk, which is joined to the nipple by tubes. The glands are surrounded by fatty tissue. 

Each month, hormones get your breasts ready for pregnancy. They get a bit larger and more sensitive. After your period they go back to their usual size and shape.

Breasts come in all shapes and sizes. Nipples also vary a lot, both in size and colour. Often breasts are uneven in size or shape. Around the age of 20, the difference usually begins to even out. Every woman’s breasts are a bit different.

Does size matter? 

Some girls feel unhappy about their breasts size. They wish they were bigger or smaller or firmer. The size or shape of your breasts has nothing to do with their sensitivity: small breasts are just as sensitive as big ones.

Yes, they make a difference to your appearance but this does not mean that either bigger or smaller is better for your appearance. It is your body and each body has a unique shape. So big or small, they have been made for you, to fit your body. 

Your breasts – their shape and size – are determined by your genes. The shape is also influenced by the surrounding muscles. According to the World Population Review, the average cup size for India is A. 

You may notice your breasts get bigger or smaller if you put on or lose weight. The breast size can also slightly vary depending on the time of the month. 

Can I increase breast size? 

There is no proof that any exercises can make your breasts grow bigger, and indeed no proof that creams or sprays can do it. The only possibility is plastic surgery – you can have your breasts enlarged or reduced artificially. It is usually recommended for women who suffer back aches because of their breast size. Although, some others get the surgery purely for a change in appearance.

Hair on my breasts, is it normal?

Yes. Almost all girls have some hair on their breasts from very light, fine fuzz to stray hairs near their nipple region or in-between the breasts.

If you want to get rid of the hair, plucking is the best option for a few stray hairs. Dip your tweezers in some rubbing alcohol to disinfect them and pluck each hair. You can wipe your skin with rubbing alcohol to prevent infection and smooth on some moisturizing lotion. Shaving can cause ingrown hairs.

If you have lots of hair, you can try to wax the area, but it is better to use a depilatory cream. Waxing may burn your skin, and unless you exfoliate, you can also get ingrown hairs.

Photo: Shutterstock/Bearphotos/Persons in the photo are models and their names have been changed. 

Do you have anything on your mind? Share with us in the comment box below. Remember not to put any personal information in the comment box.

Most boys notice that their bodies start to change between the ages of 9 and 15. Some boys start and end puberty earlier than others. During puberty, your penis and testicles grow. First, your testicles get bigger, and then later your penis. Your penis first gets thicker, then longer. In most boys, the penis has reached its full size by age 15.

Some boys joke a lot about the size of their penis or other people’s penises. It’s often because they feel insecure, want to look tough, or want to make up for a lack of knowledge. 

Do check out this wonderful video below on all about penis size: Read the rest of the article below the video: 

Many shapes and sizes

Most penises come in various shapes and sizes. And they all look different: straight, curved, long, thick, thin, circumcised, uncircumcised. One is no better than the other. Your penis usually hangs to one particular side inside your pants.

When soft, a penis is usually between 6 and 13 centimetres long. An erect one is usually somewhere between 7 and 17 centimetres long. The average is about 12 centimetres. Smaller penises grow more in size when they become erect compared to large penises. 

If you want to measure your penis, do it when it’s erect, on the top side – the side closest to your belly.

Does size matter? 

No, not really. There is a myth that your sexual pleasure later in life depends on the size of your penis. But this is not true. The success of a relationship depends on many factors like compatibility, honesty, trust and how happy you are with the other person and not the size of your body’s organs. 

Can you increase the penis size?

The simple answer is no. You cannot increase the size of the penis. There are no non-surgical techniques that can permanently make a penis bigger. Please do not believe in false advertisements claiming that a pill can increase the size of a penis. Do not fall prey to such ads and do not take any such pills on your own – they can be detrimental to your health. 

Other penis enlargement products like pills, weights, and stretching devices don’t usually work in the long term. At worst they can be very dangerous to your health.

Photo: Shutterstock/Monkey Business Images/Person in the photo is a model/Names changed. 

Do you have anything on your mind? Share with us in the comment box below. Remember not to put any personal information in the comment box.

Teens as sexual beings 

Most parents do not think of their children as sexual beings just like most teenagers cannot fathom the idea that their parents can hug, kiss be intimate with each other. So the feeling is mutual. However, the reality is that parents can indeed be very good resources for the information you are seeking. They have been through your age, they love you and want you to be safe. Safe from strangers, from unwanted pregnancy and heartbreaks. 

We understand talking to your parents about sex can be awkward and embarrassing. You might be worried about how they will react. Or will they shun you out? But don’t worry we have got this covered. 

Also, don’t forget to check out this awesome video on the topic of “Talking with your parents about sex?” ( Continue reading the rest of the article below the video) 

How to start the conversation? 

Choose the right time and occasion. Not when they are in the middle of some work or not in the best mood! Do you know what the best time can be – just right after the meal or before sleeping? 

The best way to start a conversation can be by asking something casually and seeking their opinion. 

“Mumma, you know my friend Shagun, she has kissed a boy. Is that ok?” 

“Papa, Ayan today told me that everyone at this age masturbates. Is it true?”

“Mom, when did you first come to know about sex?” 

These could be some ice-breakers which can help you give an idea about your parent’s attitudes and behaviours when it comes to such conversations.  

Do I really need to talk to my parents about sex? 

As awkward, cringed-out or embarrassed as you may feel, it’s important to have a conversation with your parents about sex because it can help you stay informed, healthy, and safe. They are a great source in your own home to provide you with scientific, accurate and in-depth knowledge about sex. After all, they love you and care for you! 

However, another reality is that many parents also want their children to give priority to their studies and career and hence promote abstinence (no sex till shaadi). Also, unfortunately, some parents cannot talk about sex with their children. They feel tense and embarrassed and may even get angry or punish the kids for asking such sex-related questions. If you are concerned about this, we understand you. But do give it a try once before you give up completely. 

However, if you still feel that you are way too embarrassed or worried to talk to your parents about sex (or if your parents are not around), it’s absolutely ok. You can always go to another trusted adult and look for information online at trusted resources such as TeenBook. 

TeenBook is a Comprehensive Sexuality Education resource. At TeenBook we will help you to understand your bodies and your feelings and provides you with the knowledge to navigate yourselves as sexual beings. You can also ask your questions. You just have to DM us on Instagram and we will provide you with safe, scientific and reliable information. 

Photo: Shutterstock/Bhaven Jani/Person in the photo is a model, names changed.

Do you have any questions that are bothering you? Share with us in the comments box below. Remember no rude words or personal information in the comment box! 

Listen to the podcast here-

The senior group talk 

Eighth graders Rohan and Viren had just stepped inside the changing room. Their team had won today’s football match. Everyone was celebrating. As they walked in, they saw a group of seniors laughing hard and knocking on a washroom door. 

“Aryan, what is taking you so long? Are you masturbating inside?” Kevin said and the group erupted into another burst of laughter. 

“Hey I was hardly in for five minutes”, an angry looking Aryan came out and lashed. “And, not everyone uses the changing room washrooms for it,” he added, teasing Kevin on a lighter note.  

“Shhh…stop talking so loudly. Kids are around”, Aditya said, pointing at the 8th graders. Kevin winked at his group and added, “I bet they do too!” and everyone rushed out laughing. 

Rohan looked at Viren and asked, “What were they talking about bhai? What do we do?”

Viren was quick to catch on and responded, “Silly, they’re talking about masturbation”. 

“Ahh,” nodded Rohan, not quite sure what it meant but he didn’t want to look stupid.

Big bro to the rescue

Back home, after dinner, Rohan approached his cousin Reyhan sheepishly. They were very close and the best of buddies. Reyhan was in his first year of college and Rohan’s go to person for almost everything. 

“Bhaiya, what is masturbation?” Caught off guard, Reyhan almost choked on the peanuts he was munching while working on his school project on the laptop. But he immediately realised his little brother needed help, and a little knowledge.

“Ahh.. so who’s been talking to you about masturbation?” asked Reyhan, putting his laptop down. Rohan narrated the earlier conversation at school.

“Hmm.. well, Rohan, masturbation is a very natural tendency where both boys and girls enjoy touching their own private parts and derive a special kind of pleasure by doing that. It is perfectly normal, nothing harmful”, Reyhan explained in a very matter of fact tone. 

Who does it? 

“Oh really!?” Rohan clearly had no prior knowledge on the topic. “But I still don’t get it, why was he saying we might be doing it too?” Rohan looked puzzled. Reyhan smiled, “Well you see what they meant many adolescents start exploring their bodies around your age. Some start early and some late. But almost everyone is curious about their bodies and it’s perfectly normal.”

 “Ahh, that’s what they meant, yes now I get it, thanks Bhaiya!” said Rohan, feeling enlightened.

Reyhan thought it best to tell Rohan a few things since they were talking about masturbation anyway and he did not want his brother to gather wrong information and ideas from his friends. 

Don’t forget to check out our podcast – Is it ok to masturbate?

Rohan nodded. 

“Remember, it is your body and you have every right to touch yourself whichever way you like and feel good about it but no one else should touch you the same way, not even me or your closest friends. Except of course Mom and Dad, if they need to, or a doctor if you have a problem, but again in the presence of your parents.”

 “Yes yes I get it Reyhan Bhaiya” assured Rohan. Just when Reyhan thought he’d been a good helpful big brother and was mentally patting himself on the back, Rohan asked, “Bhaiya do you masturbate?” 

How does it feel?

Whoops! It’s best to be honest, thought Reyhan. “Like I said Rohan, most people do, so… but since it’s a very private thing I hope you are okay if I don”t wish to discuss it in detail.” 

“Sure Bhaiya, I was just wondering how it feels”, said Rohan, genuinely curious. 

“Well, when someone touches their genitals or fondles them, it may lead to a physical sensation called arousal. In boys, we can feel the penis harden and grow big. Sometimes you may feel an even more intense, pleasurable sensation, which might lead to a whitish fluid called semen being released from the penis. This is called ejaculation.” 

“Thanks Bhai. That’s useful to know for when I, I mean, If I…. well you know what I mean!” Rohan blurted out. 

Reyhan smiled and said, “Remember bhai, there’s nothing wrong in exploring your own body and discovering what makes you feel good.. it’s all a very natural and normal part of growing up and it is harmless. There is absolutely no reason to feel guilty or embarrassed about it as long as you do it private”.

“Thanks Bhaiya! I’m so glad I have you at home to discuss all these things with! While I know I can always talk to Mom and Dad about anything, sometimes I find it easier to talk to you!” said Rohan. He felt truly lucky.

“What are brothers for!” smiled Reyhan. “Now go off to bed, don’t you have school tomorrow.. goodnight.” And with that Reyhan turned the lights off and went back to his room to finish his presentation.  

Do you have any questions that are bothering you? Share with us in the comments box below. Remember no rude words or personal information in the comment box!  

Listen to the podcast here-