Dear Diary,

I know I haven’t written in a long time but things have been a little weird lately. First of all, you remember how I told you about my crush who approached me on Instagram, right? Well, when he texted, I was ecstatic! We couldn’t stop talking and would text each other day and night. We shared so many interests, he even enjoyed the same movies as I did! 

Also, don’t forget to check out this amazing video on What Makes A Relationship Healthy? Read the rest of the article, below video: 

So after a few weeks of talking, he asked me to be his girlfriend, I said yes! As you already know I have never had a boyfriend before so I was just really happy about this. We would meet in our evening classes and text on the phone for the rest of the day. Things were going really well but then I started to notice some weird things too.

Little things

At first, it was just him laughing at me when I asked about a term I didn’t understand in football or memes on social media and I ignored that. But then I realised I had started to hide things from him because I didn’t wanna feel stupid for not knowing. 

Whenever I had a question or something that confused me, he would laugh and make me feel stupid for not knowing it. Or the time I hit 5k followers on my cooking account, and he told me that it’s not a big deal and I shouldn’t let it get to my head. 

Even when I talked to him about how I wanted to be a lawyer in the future, he laughed it off and reacted in a way that made me regret even telling him about it. I know it seems like little things but they made me feel really bad about myself.

And I never even realised how his behaviour was affecting my self-esteem because I was so smitten with him. But once it hit me I started to notice all the things he had done and the ways he had started to belittle me for everything. 

Was I not smart enough? 

Be it the things I found funny, or the things I loved. He would find a way to make me feel bad about it. I started to keep things to myself and stopped participating in group conversations assuming that they wouldn’t find my input helpful either. I avoided competitions and underestimated myself a lot because I thought I wasn’t smart enough to do anything. 

When I tried to talk to him, he said that I didn’t know how to take a joke and I was overreacting. All of this was affecting me so much that I stopped talking to my best friends. I mean I couldn’t even write to you! 

My sister noticed my slip in moods and tried to talk to me. After a lot of poking, I finally decided to tell her everything and we had a heart-to-heart which made me feel a lot better. She told me I was in an unhealthy relationship. Since our talk, I have decided to break up with my boyfriend and then I thought I should tell you all about it.

It may take a little while to get my confidence back up again but I promise I’m going to try my best and never let anyone else dictate my worth again. I’ll update you about my progress very soon.

Photo: Shutterstock/Red Fox studio/Person in the photo is a model. Names changed.

Would you like to share your feelings with TeenBook? Send us your thoughts in the comments box! Remember, not to put any personal information in the comment box.

Understand the why 

Before you decide to call it quits, take a moment for introspection. Understand the reasons behind the breakup. This isn’t just for your partner; it’s for you too. Knowing why you’re ending things will not only help you communicate your decision more effectively but also allow you to reflect on whether breaking up is genuinely what you want.  For Shagun, it was Amay’s constant nagging and not giving her much  time as top reasons. She was clear she did not want to put up with a guy who prioritizes his parties over her. 

Face-off  

Yes, you can break-up over a text – it’s easy! But should you? It’s best to resist that urge. Choose a face-to-face conversation instead. Ending a relationship in person provides the closure that texts or emails can’t. It’s a respectful way to end things, allowing both of you to express your feelings completely. 

Right setting

Imagine breaking up with someone in a crowded restaurant, with everyone nosy around. Or in your classroom or school? Not the best spot for a heart-to-heart, right? Go for a place where your partner can be at ease and open up. You know the best spots, we are sure! The location sets the mood for the breakup and how it’s remembered.

The honesty policy 

Don’t start with words like ‘It wasn’t meant to  be’ or ‘I am not the best person for you’ or ‘You deserve better’. When you’re about to have the breakup talk, just be real. Tell it like it is and don’t hide your feelings. For Shagun’s case, she said what she felt –  Amay did not give her enough time. 

It might seem easier to make things sound better than they are to protect your partner’s feelings, but the key to a good breakup is honesty. Share what went wrong without pointing fingers or being too hard on each other. It could be hard to hear, but it’s super important for both of you to know why this is happening.

Don’t be harsh though! 

Breakups are always tough, and your emotions can make you say hurtful things. But, it’s important to remember that you once cared about this person. Being honest doesn’t mean being mean or trying to hurt them. Share the truth with kindness. When you talk to them, be understanding and empathetic because it’s a tough time for both of you.

Don’t give false hopes 

Breakups are already confusing, so make sure you’re super clear about your decision. Don’t leave your partner guessing or give them false hope like, “Maybe we’ll get back together later.” Being clear is the best thing you can do for them. It gives them a starting point to heal and move on.

Brace for impact 

Breakups can be super emotional, so be ready for all kinds of reactions – like yelling, crying, arguing, or maybe just shocked silence. It’s important to stay calm and collected. Let your partner have the space to think about everything, and don’t make things worse. How you act afterwards shows how mature you are. However, if your partner decides to not let you go and harass you, seek help! 

Set boundaries 

Decide on how you’ll handle things like returning belongings or whether you’ll stay friends. It’s okay to need some space after a breakup.

Ctrl+Alt+Del 

If you have decided not to be friends then the best way to break up is – No texting, delete their number, or it’s even better to block it. Unfollow or block them on social media too. Once you’ve decided to break up, stick to it. Your partner might beg for another chance and promise things will change, but unless you have a very good reason to give it another try, stick to your choice. Being firm isn’t just for you; it’s also to give your partner clear closure. 

Take care of yourself 

Share your feelings with a close friend or family member you trust. They can be there for you and offer support while you’re going through this tough time. Take care of yourself emotionally and physically. Engage in activities you enjoy to help you cope with the breakup.

And remember, healing takes time. It’s okay to feel sad or even relieved after a breakup. Be patient with yourself and your emotions.  Ending a relationship is always tough, but sometimes it’s the right thing to do when things just aren’t working out. Remember, it’s super important to be respectful, kind, and honest when you go through this. In the end, treating each other well is what really matters.

Photo: Shutterstock/Persons in the photo are models and their names have been changed. 

Do you have anything on your mind? Share with us in the comment box below. Remember not to put any personal information in the comment box.

Cool down time 

After a big argument, emotions can be high and words can be hurtful. First things first, take a breather. Put on some music, write in your journal, take a walk, or just talk to yourself in the bathroom (seriously, it helps!). Letting things cool down is like hitting the reset button. Give each other space to untangle those messy emotions.

Stay calm, no grumps 

Even though you’re upset, you don’t need to give your friend/ partner the silent treatment or explode like a volcano. Tell them that you’re not ready to talk yet but that you’re working on it. This stops things from getting worse and shows that you care.

The power of apologies 

Saying sorry is like magic. When you’re ready, genuinely apologize if you messed up. If your friend says sorry first, listen and accept their effort to make things right. Then, talk about why you fought in the first place.

Sorry isn’t the whole story 

Apologies are cool, but don’t stop there. Dig deep and talk about why the fight happened. It’s like fixing a leak instead of just wiping up the water. This step might be a bit tricky, but it’s important. Don’t let those argument ghosts sneak up on you!

Make a gesture

Show your care with a cool gesture. It could be a sweet note, a surprise ice cream treat, or even a chore they’ve been bugging you about. Think about what your friend would love. Go ahead and be cheesy – it’s fun and heartfelt.

Stop texting, go meet them! 

Physical touch is powerful. So don’t just say that sorry on the phone/text but go out and meet them! Give them a little hug, or simply sit next to them. Physical closeness can make you feel better and bring you back together.

When it’s time to move on 

In situations where the fight involves something significant that goes against your values – like a friend being a bully, cheating, or lying about something crucial – it’s okay to consider moving on or breaking up. Your well-being matters most.

Photo: Shutterstock/Person in the photo is a model, names changed.

Do you have any questions that are bothering you? Share with us in the comments box below. Remember no rude words or personal information in the comment box! 

Give it time:  If you have just broken up recently, it’s a good idea to give your ex and yourself some time to get over each other before you even consider being friends. Break-ups happen for a reason, and both of you will need time to heal and get over any anger or disappointment you have. There are no real guidelines as to how long you should wait until you get in touch with your ex again, but six months seems like a reasonable period. But rather wait a bit longer than try to jump at an attempt too early. And remember: you can’t force friendship. Sometimes a breakup is so painful there’s no realistic chance of ever being friends – that’s something only you can judge.

Also, don’t forget to check out this awesome video on this topic: 

Remember it’s not a real relationship anymore: You need to realize that you are no longer in a relationship, so don’t treat your friendship the same way as the relationship. That means no flirting, no cuddling, and no late-night cute text messages. Because that will make it much more difficult to keep clear boundaries and rules. It’s all too easy to fall back into old patterns with your ex. This is especially dangerous if you’re in a new relationship.

Try it, it may be worth it: Chances are you spent a good chunk of your time with your ex. You share the same interests, friends and hobbies. You have a lot in common and that’s a great starting point for a friendship. So if you parted amicably or you think you can get over the reasons for your break-up, trying to be friends can be very rewarding. But be picky, too. If you know that the differences between you while dating were too big, the same might happen in a friendship. It’s not worth getting hurt twice!

Don’t get jealous: Let’s face it when you see your ex with a new partner it always hurts a bit. But you are only truly over an ex when you can be happy for them. That includes being happy when they have a new partner. Nobody wants you to be over the moon of course, but if you are feeling very jealous, it may be a sign that you are not really over your ex and maybe there are some feelings left. And if that’s the case, being friends might not be the best idea.

Include your new partner: If one of you (or both) has started dating, it is a good idea to include your new partner/s when you meet your ex (now friend).  That doesn’t mean your new partner should be right next to you every time you talk to or see your ex. But a major reason for jealousy is your partner still being cosy with their ex. So if you are still friends with your ex, it’s a good idea to be honest about it with your new partner. Tell them that you are just friends, share your plans of meeting your ex, and maybe introduce them. Doing all this will save you, your ex and your new partner a lot of headaches and maybe even fights.

No intimacy: Well, you can get intimate with the ex. But just remember that it can get very awkward! If neither of you is in a relationship, it might seem like a good idea – you know each other, you know what the other likes, and so on. But this might complicate your friendship. Even if you’re sure of your feelings, can you be sure that your ex doesn’t get his or her hopes up again? And if either of you is in a relationship, it will be cheating with your new partner So before you get too cosy, consider the consequences!

Photo: Shutterstock/cheapbooks/Persons in the photo are models and their names have been changed. 

Do you have anything on your mind? Share with us in the comment box below. Remember not to put any personal information in the comment box.

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