It all feels foolish now

I was at school when Ayan cheated on me. I saw him with Tanya in the playground, hugging her. He was on the same spot where we both hugged a couple of days ago, writing names on the tree, saying it would last forever, but now it all feels foolish! 

The moment I saw them together, I ran back to class, before the bell rang. Ayan was shocked to see me in the passage, as I told him I won’t be coming because I was a little unwell. He started sweating and that look on his face was enough for me to know that he was stunned to see me here.

All my fault?

Neharika, my BFF asked me if I was okay! The good girl she is. But I ignored her. 

On my way to PE class, I came across Tanya – The Girl. She is good-looking. But then she looked horrible to me. She tilted her head down avoiding eye contact. At that moment I wanted to be Maddy Perez from Euphoria and bang her head on the wall. 

Ayan stood next to me. The moment he looked at me, I felt like I was going to cry and throw simultaneously. Is it normal? He tried to talk but I moved away. There is no way I can trust him now. 

No matter how much I hate Ayan, I can never forget him. Not yet. I am wondering if I should have just heard him once. My brain gave me a big No, but this bloody heart said maybe. I still can’t understand why he cheated. Is it my fault? Is it because I’m ugly, stupid, clumsy, and hairy? 

Is it because I don’t have a body like Tanya? I felt ugly. 

With all these thoughts in my mind, I went home. 

BAE to the rescue

Just when my insecurities tried to kick in, I got a call from Neharika. She would not leave me, I knew. She was outside my home. Neharika is my senior but we are best buddies. She hugged me tightly and made me sit down. She let me cry. 

“It’s not your fault. Trust me”, she said and held my hand. I was still crying. So I ranted about how ugly I felt in front of that model-like Tanya. 

“Maybe I need to stop eating so much and I should buy some stylish clothes. I don’t think I have any style. I am plain, boring and ugly. That’s why he left me”, I bawled now. 

Niharika let me cry and talk. When I was done, she spoke again.

“You done? I mean, really? This is how you feel about yourself. A person who is so good in studies, and extracurricular activities and is a teacher’s favourite – this is how she thinks about herself that she needs some style! I am disappointed”, Niharkia said. 

Stop this immediately

“Bro, you are you, the best. No one can be like you. What Ayan did is called cheating and it has nothing to do with you. It’s all his fault. Completely. If he wasn’t keen on keeping the relationship with you, he should have been just honest. Also, he could have done this with Tanya too! Really. Why are you belittling yourself? Stop doing this immediate year”, Niharkia was firm.  

Coming from my BAE, it was a light bulb moment for me!  I had been so busy feeling sorry for myself that I forgot it was Ayaan who was cheating on me! I hadn’t done anything wrong. But somehow I took it all on myself. As if it was all my fault! How our insecurities make us do weird things! 

“Thanks, bro, you do make sense now. I am sorry I was just so terrible”, I said wiping my tears in a much calmer voice. 

Niharika then hugged me and we both just sat there, eating my favourite McFlurry ice cream that she had bought for me earlier. Icecreams do have its magic. As I licked the last of the cream I realised how lucky I was to have Niharika as my BAE. She helped me feel confident again. My advice to all you girls out there – before you have a boyfriend, have a BAE, who will stand by you through thick and thin and save you from any heartbreaks! 

Shutterstock/fizkes/Person in the photo is a model. Names changed

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