I learned this the hard way when I lost my best friend in just one week. Although it was my fault, I kept apologizing because I didn’t want to lose her. Later, when she wanted to talk to me again, I ignored her because I was still hurt. I felt that my apologies were ignored the first time and that maybe I should do the same with her, not realizing that she was upset at that time.

After that, I barely spoke to her again, but I also realized that mistakes were made from both ends. Looking back, I don’t think either of us handled the situation perfectly. Losing her wasn’t easy. She was a good friend who had stood by me through my highs and lows, which is what made it hurt so much.

We often find ourselves making immense efforts for the people we love. Most of the time, these efforts are undertaken either to save a relationship or to build one. But sometimes, in this process of building and saving something, we lose ourselves. I became so focused on keeping people in my life that I forgot to value myself.
But what happens when the people we lose aren’t our well-wishers?

Sometimes, I can’t help but think that maybe things would have been different if I hadn’t made those mistakes. But what we forget is that it’s just how life works. I won’t say that “life is cruel, deal with it”, or anything of such sort, but rather that life has its own ways of teaching us what’s good and what’s not.

For example, losing certain people in our lives may look cruel, but it’s really for the best. There are multiple sides of a person that we haven’t seen yet. Even our closest friends may think completely differently about us, which can be both negative and positive.

I have people in my life who are quite rude to me on my face, but would sacrifice everything for me when the time comes. On the other hand, I also have people who are sweet to me on my face, but hold hatred towards me. And the latter are the ones that we lose.

I’m not saying that I only lose the bad people in my life. Sometimes, I think people just aren’t meant to stay forever, no matter how much we want them to.

I realized this when I broke up with my ex-boyfriend. Even though we probably could have made the relationship last longer, things just didn’t feel right anymore. It hurt, but at some point I had to accept that not everyone is meant to stay in my life forever..mi

That made me realize something. Not everyone comes into our lives to stay. Some people are there to teach us something. Some become memories we’ll always look back on. And some are just a part of our story for a little while. I know that sounds sad, but I don’t think it always is.

Every person I’ve lost has left something behind. Sometimes it was a lesson. Sometimes it was an experience. Sometimes it was just a memory that I still think about from time to time.

Yes, I’ve lost a lot of people in my life, and yes, many of them meant a lot to me. But somehow, every loss taught me something about myself too. And while some people left, new people came into my life as well.
I still miss some of the people I’ve lost. Maybe I always will. But I guess that’s just a part of growing up.

Last year on Diwali, the loudest thing in my house wasn’t the crackers outside, it was my cousin Rohan screaming because someone cheated in cards. My nani was yelling from the kitchen, “Do NOT enter the house with your slippers on!” My uncle was showing off his “scientific technique” to light rockets safely and then promptly burning his eyebrows.

It was chaos. It was crazy. It was home.

But this year? It’s different.

No cars lining up outside. No cousins fighting for the good mattress. No smell of burnt chaklis or over-fried gulab jamuns. Just… a quiet house with fairy lights trying their best to glow like nothing’s wrong.

My phone wasn’t exploding with “Aaj ka plan kya hai?” messages. Instead, it was full of “Sorry yaar, can’t come this time.”

Rohan shifted to Bangalore for college. My bua’s family has some “issues” going on, so they’re skipping this year. And my little brother, who once danced like a malfunctioning robot to every Diwali song, now had only one plan – a gaming tournament at 8PM. Do Not Disturb.

I tried to distract myself. I helped mom clean, I hung the lantern outside, I even arranged diyas like Instagram aesthetic reels… but midway through, I just stopped. I stood on the balcony yesterday, fairy lights shining around me, and for the first time ever… It didn’t feel like Diwali.

Was it just me? Was I being dramatic? Do festivals stop feeling festive when we grow up? Or was this what everyone secretly felt but never admitted?

The conversation

I didn’t say anything to anyone, but my mom noticed. Moms have that superpower. 

She walked in with a box of diyas and paused. “Tu theek hai na?” 

I tried to fake it. “Yeah yeah, just tired.”

She raised an eyebrow. Moms can sniff lies better than dogs sniff biscuits.

After a moment, I sighed. “It just… doesn’t feel like Diwali. I thought festivals were supposed to be fun. But this time I’m just… not feeling it.”

She didn’t give me a lecture. She didn’t say “Be grateful! At least we’re together!” No emotional blackmail. Instead, she sat beside me and quietly said: “You know, when I was your age, I felt exactly like this.”

That surprised me. Moms feeling like us? Rare content.

She continued, “One year, everyone got busy. No relatives came. The house was clean, food was cooked, lights were on… but my heart felt switched off. For a moment I thought,  maybe Diwali is only fun when you’re small.”

I looked at her. “So what did you do?”

She smiled slightly. “I cried a little. Then I got angry. Then I got up… and decided if the old Diwali wasn’t coming back, I’d make a new one. I invited the neighbours for tea, played music loudly, made laddoos with Papa. Guess what? It was different. But it was still Diwali.”

It wasn’t easy but I decided to take charge of Diwali myself. 

I picked up my phone and texted my cousins:

“9PM. Video call. Ludo or Truth-or-Dare. Don’t be boring.”

Rohan sent five skull emojis and a “Loser will do a Diwali dance challenge.” Accepted.

I barged into my brother’s room and declared, “We’re making a new Diwali playlist. EDM meets Aarti version.” He rolled his eyes but secretly smirked.

Then I sat outside and started making a rangoli, not perfectly, not beautifully. Just honestly.

And you know what?

The silence didn’t go away. But it didn’t feel lonely anymore.

If you’re feeling this too…

Maybe your Diwali looks different this year.
Maybe fewer people. Maybe someone is missing. Maybe you are in a new place, trying to smile when your heart isn’t fully there.

It’s okay.

Festivals don’t stop being special just because they’ve changed. Sometimes… they’re just waiting for us to grow into a new version of them.

So if this Diwali feels different. Light your diyas anyway. Call your people anyway. Laugh even if it’s quieter.

Because Diwali isn’t only about who’s around you.

It’s also about the light you decide to keep inside you.

Happy Yours-Your-Way Diwali.

Hello, feelings 

All of us go through a lot of feelings throughout the day. Our mind and body are home to a good deal of emotions. Some stay on permanently while some keep coming like guests and others are also unwanted.  

Now even when unwelcome guests come, we still greet them, sit with them, offer them tea and coffee and be there during their visit. Don’t we? Because we never know how and when we might need them in life. It’s always good to stay connected.

The same logic works with our feelings. We need to connect to our feelings so that we can better understand them because these emotional guests are often reminders that our minds and body need attention. 

Are you low because you are hungry or scored low in your exams? Are you tired because of a hectic schedule or because you haven’t been sleeping enough? Do you feel like crying all the time because of your bodily changes or is it because of a situation at home? 

It is important to understand and label your emotions so that you can work towards managing your feelings in a way that allows you to function properly. 

How to understand your feelings?  

Engaging with your feelings will help you understand them better. Here are a few tips. 

• Ask yourself – Do you notice a feeling at a particular time of the day? Is it at school? Is it at home? At a tuition class? It will help you understand the root cause of your feelings. 
• Now be a bit creative and ask what your feelings look like. What colour, how big, does it have a voice, does it feel warm, cold, hot, or rough or smooth? This will allow you to gauge the intensity of your feelings. For example, a red and rough textured feeling may indicate to someone that the feeling they are having is intense and they need help. A blue and warm feeling may let you know that it will pass. These colours, their significance and intensities could be different for different folks. 
• Depending on their intensity, you can work with some feelings on your own; if you are having a bad day at school and feeling lonely, you spend some time with your best friend during lunchtime. 

When to seek help

At times, some highly intense feelings decide to stay with us, and it is time to talk to someone trusted about it, and sometimes it can be a teacher, parent, or counsellor. Strong feelings like hopelessness, frustration, feeling inferior, terrified, and the like need to be addressed. These feelings might become very strong and interfere with our daily lives like school, home, relationships, etc. 

Here are some tips to overcome these overpowering feelings: 

1. Look in the mirror and compliment yourself daily; start your day by feeling good about yourself. If something brings in feelings of inferiority, ask yourself, what are you good at? 
2. Engaging in a calming activity, like dancing, painting, or talking to your parents, a teacher, a counsellor, or a friend, can help you with your mood, and you can think clearly. 
3. Journaling about your day might also give you clarity and space to safely express your feelings. 
4. Identifying where the feeling is strongest or heaviest in your body and shrugging it off sometimes helps you relax and think ahead. 

The underlying message that our feelings give us is to acknowledge them. Pause, reflect, and act. Start exploring your emotions today. 

Photo: Shutterstock/Rawpixel.com

Arshi Alam is a Psychologist and Teen Counsellor at a prestigious Gurgaon School. 

Have a query? Ask our experts! In this column, we take questions from adolescents and their parents on growing up, adolescence, puberty and everything in between; and put them to subject matter experts. 

Watch this video to know more:

Hello Tarini and let me start by saying that I have sailed in your boat before my friend so nobody is cheering for you harder than me, okay?

Alright now, little rebel, let’s tackle this together. I get it—being a teenager is like navigating through a maze of misunderstood emotions and parental confusion. Your crush on that guy? Completely normal. But, hey, I know breaking down the fortress of parental worry can feel like an impossible mission especially when you factor in the “log kya kahenge” fear of mumma papa. Fear not, though. Your cool, trusted adult (that’s me, Disha!) has your back.

Breaking  stereotypes

First things first, take a deep breath. Inhale the courage, exhale the teenage angst. Now, let’s approach your parents like strategic diplomats. They might be stuck in a time warp where talking to guys is equivalent to teenage rebellion. It’s time to break that stereotype gently.

Start by finding the right moment. Timing is everything, my friend. A casual setting, maybe after a good meal or during a chill family movie night. Nothing too formal—just a chat between cool siblings and the parental units.

When you initiate the conversation, be genuine and honest. Express your feelings without sounding like a rebel without a cause. You’re not asking for permission; you’re sharing a part of your life with them. Let them peek into the rollercoaster of teenage emotions without making it sound like a rebellious manifesto.

Be casual yet clear 

You can say something like, “Hey, I wanted to talk to you guys about something important to me. You know, being a teenager is like riding a rollercoaster of emotions, and I’m just trying to figure things out. I’ve got friends, and yeah, some of them happen to be guys. It’s not about being rebellious; it’s about growing up and understanding different perspectives.”

Now, they might throw some jazbaat your way. Brace yourself, and counter those concerns with logic and calmness. If they worry about your studies or character, assure them that you’ve got your priorities straight. You’re not sacrificing your grades for a teenage crush; you’re just exploring the beautiful chaos of adolescence.

Remember, it’s not about proving them wrong; it’s about helping them understand. Break down the walls of misconceptions with patience and a sprinkle of charm. You’re not challenging their authority; you’re inviting them into your world.

If the conversation starts getting a bit heated, take a step back. Sometimes, a strategic retreat is the best move. You can always revisit the discussion later when the atmosphere is calmer.

Don’t be a rebel

Sabse important, remind them that you value their guidance and that this isn’t a rebellion against their rules. It’s an invitation for them to be a part of your journey, to guide you through the maze of teenage emotions without dampening your spirit.

Ultimately, my fearless soldier, you’re not alone in this. You have me cheering you on. So initiate that conversation, and let them see the amazing person you’re becoming—one teenage emotion at a time.

#AskDisha is an advice column run by the editorial team at TeenBook India. The advice given in the columns is science-based but general in nature. Parents and adolescents should seek help from a professional or expert for specific concerns or issues.

‘What would they say?’

How would she feel if she found out that her son wants to be a girl? Wonder if she has any idea if I am different from Bhaiya? She, Dad and Bhaiya would be so embarrassed. What would they do to me? Wouldn’t my telling them only bring anger, shame, hurt and guilt? At least, right now, only I am the one suffering.

But two years is too long to be hiding my true self. I’m so tired of sneaking around, trying on dresses, experimenting with make-up, alone in my bathroom for no one to see. It is so strange. I fear getting caught, yet I want to get caught. I am meant to be a she and now this ‘she’ wants to be seen by everyone!

‘For how long?’

This urge to come out is so strong; I can barely contain myself. Last month I chanced upon a documentary about a teen transgender in America. She transitioned into a boy by the time she was 17.  This made me wonder, how long would I have to be stuck in this body? When would I become a girl on the outside? I’m already going through puberty and I hate it! I’m getting hair on parts of my body where I don’t want any, my voice has changed and I can see my Adam’s apple. Eeeeew! 

‘I’ll talk to her’

Some days are tougher, I don’t see the point of living if I can’t be the ‘me’ I want to be.  Trapped! I tried talking to Aisha at school last week but couldn’t get her alone. She is my best friend and I’m sure she’ll get what I’m going through. It would mean the world to me to finally have someone safe to confide in. Yup, that’s what I’ll do. I’ll catch Aisha alone and talk to her. 

Would you like to share your feelings with TeenBook? Send us your thoughts in the comments box! Remember, not to put any personal information in the comment box.

As we grow older, we start experiencing new feelings, sometimes without any warning. Just like a magnet is drawn to iron, we can find ourselves drawn to another person.

You may find yourself thinking about someone a lot. You might want to be near them, talk to them, or just notice when they walk into a room. This is called having a crush, and it is completely normal.

You may have these feelings for a person of a different gender, or someone of the same gender as you. Attraction does not follow a single fixed path.

AARAV’S STORY

Aarav, 15

“I finally told Rhea how I felt. I was so nervous I almost fumbled over my words. But she was kind about it. She said we should spend more time together first, to get to know each other better. I feel relieved. And a little happy too.”

“Why is my body acting before my brain does?”

Attraction can show up in your body before you have even had a chance to think. A racing heart, warm cheeks, sweaty palms, or a strange alertness when someone you like walks in, these are all automatic reactions.

You are not doing this on purpose. Your nervous system is responding to something it perceives as significant. This is biology, not a decision.

IRA’S STORY

Ira, 14

“During assembly, the person I liked stood next to me and suddenly my heart was racing. My face felt warm. I kept wondering am I making this happen? Am I doing something weird?”

She wasn’t. Her body was reacting before she had time to think. That is how attraction sometimes works.

What does attraction actually look like?

Attraction does not always look dramatic. It does not always involve touch, grand gestures, or the kind of stories you see in films or TV series. In real life, it often looks much quieter.

SANA’S STORY

Sana, 15

“For me, it showed up as wanting to sit next to them in class. Talking longer than I needed to. Sharing a playlist. Checking if they were okay after a hard day. There was no physical closeness but the connection felt very real.”

The s-word : Let’s talk about it

Sex. There, we said it. It is a word that often makes people go quiet, or giggle, or change the subject. But it is also a word that raises a lot of honest questions and honest questions deserve honest answers.

A COMMON MOMENT

“I heard the word on TV. I immediately felt a little embarrassed, even though I was alone. Why do I feel like it is something I am not supposed to know about?”

What it actually is

Sex, or sexual intercourse, is a physical way of expressing attraction between two people who both want to be close to each other in that way. Like hugging or cuddling, it is a form of closeness but one that requires much more preparation, maturity, and clear agreement from both people.

It is possible for a male and a female to conceive a baby through sexual intercourse after puberty, but most people who have sex are not trying to have a baby. They may simply want to feel close to someone they care about.

There are many other ways to express attraction that are just as meaningful: caring for someone, listening, respecting them, sharing things you love, being there when things are hard.

“I feel something. Do I have to act on it?”

When you feel attracted to someone, there is often pressure from friends, stories or films to do something about it right away. Confess. Ask them out. Make it official.

But feeling attracted to someone does not come with a deadline. There is no rule that says you must act.

AMAN’S STORY

Aman, 14

“When I realised I liked someone in my class, my friends immediately started asking: when will you tell them? When will you ask them out? But I liked things as they were. Talking in class. Sharing notes. Smiling when we passed each other. I realised I do not have to do anything just because I feel something.”

“I like them, but we want different things”

Attraction does not guarantee that two people will want the same things at the same time. You might like someone and want to spend time with them. They might want more closeness. Or the other way around. Neither person is wrong.

DEV’S STORY

Dev, 16

“I liked spending time with her. She wanted more. I didn’t, at least not yet. I thought if I like her, shouldn’t I want what she wants? But I realised that attraction does not mean we want the same things. And that is okay.”

Ready and responsible

If and when any kind of physical closeness becomes part of a relationship, it should only happen when both people truly feel ready, not because of pressure from a partner, friends, films, or the feeling that “everyone else is doing it.”

Being ready means you have enough information, you feel emotionally prepared, you have talked about it with your partner, and you both genuinely want it. Readiness is personal. It cannot be borrowed from someone else’s experience.

KABIR’S STORY

Kabir, 15

“Friends were dating, holding hands, posting pictures. I hadn’t even figured out what I wanted yet. I thought something was wrong with me.”

There wasn’t. Kabir was simply on his own timeline and that timeline was completely valid.

Where do boundaries come in?

Boundaries are not about whether you like someone. They are about what you are comfortable with and they exist even when you have feelings for someone.

Liking someone does not give them permission to touch you. And freezing, or not reacting, does not mean you agreed to something.

RHEA’S STORY

Rhea, 15

“During a group hangout, someone leaned into me without asking. I froze. Later I kept wondering, did I give the wrong impression? Had I said something that made them think that was okay?”

Rhea had not done anything wrong. The person had crossed a boundary without asking. Boundaries belong to you, they do not disappear because of how someone else interprets your behaviour.

When you have questions, ask someone you trust

It is completely okay to have questions about any of this. About attraction, about the body, about sex, about what to do when something confusing or uncomfortable happens. Questions are how we learn.

The important thing is to bring those questions to someone who actually knows the answers and who you can trust, not just whoever happens to be nearby, and not just what you find from a random search or a pop-up.

Who are trusted adults?

A Trusted Adult is someone older than you who is knowledgeable, honest, and has your best interests at heart. This might be a parent or guardian, an older sibling or cousin, a grandparent, a teacher, or a school counsellor.

Not everyone you know has the right answers. That is not a failure on their part, it just means they are also learning. If one Trusted Adult does not know, they can help you find someone who does.

It is okay if you cannot identify a Trusted Adult right away. Take your time. The right person is out there.

Remember

Honest questions about attraction and sex are normal and healthy. Bring questions to a Trusted Adult, someone who knows and cares. If something uncomfortable happens online or offline, tell a Trusted Adult