Your pain is normal

Anger, sadness, disappointment and hurt are common emotions to experience after a rejection. You may even have physical side effects, such as headaches, stomach pain or nausea. (If you suffer from depression or similar conditions, your symptoms may even be worse, so don’t hesitate to consult your doctor.)

Don’t forget to check out this informative video on How to handle rejection below: 

It’s okay not to be okay 

You’re only human and it’s normal to feel overcome by emotions after a rejection. You don’t have to ‘be strong’ or ‘put on a brave face.’

Find and express your emotions

If this is the first time you’ve experienced rejection or the end of a relationship, it may take you a while to sort out your feelings.

1. Let it go: Having a good cry in a place you feel safe, such as your bedroom, can help release pent-up emotions. Let it all out. We all do it. Being a real person means you have real emotions. There’s nothing to be ashamed of.
2. Write it down: Try to write down how you feel – not for anyone else, just for yourself. It can help you to work out how you really feel. And once the thoughts are down on paper, they might stop swirling around in your head.
3. Talking helps: Share your experience with people who care about you. And listen to their stories. If you hear how others have coped with rejection, you may start to believe that you’ll be able to cope as well.
4. Stick to the facts: It can be easy to start over-analysing the situation or to add details that may or may not be true. For example, instead of saying: ‘That girl didn’t go out with me because I’m fat and ugly.’

Stick to the facts, which are:

‘That girl didn’t go out with me’. 

We know that it’s still a rejection and it doesn’t change the fact that a girl didn’t go out with you. But by sticking with what actually happened, you avoid upsetting yourself even more.

1. No violence please: If someone rejects you, it hurts, but it’s their absolute right. Never, ever try to hurt them back. Also, don’t take out your bad feelings on other people around you, by getting aggressive or violent. This will just push people away from you – and likely lead to more rejections and unhappiness.
2. Don’t indulge in bad habits: Vaping, smoking, partying, drugs, junk food – these are all methods people use to try and comfort themselves. But in the long run, they will only make you feel worse about yourself. Better to occupy your mind with something worthwhile, like sports or creativity.
3. Keep active: The busier you are, the less time you will have to feel sad. Take up a new sport. Join a club. Learn an instrument. Try a new hobby. Learn a new skill. You will meet new people and feel better about yourself.
4. Focus on your positive qualities: Rebuild your self-esteem! Start by asking your friends what they like about you. If this feels too awkward, write your own list of qualities that make you the perfect person to date. Are you loyal and caring? A good listener? A talented cook? Try to remember the times your friends and family have praised you. It will remind you that you are indeed quite fab.
5. Give yourself time to heal and forgive: Like most clichés, it’s mostly true: ‘time is the great healer’. But clichés are often easier said than done! 

We know it hurts now and it’s hard to imagine ever feeling differently. But one day you’ll come out the other side. Promise. Then you’ll be ready to meet new and interesting people – one of whom will likely fall for you!

Photo: Shutterstock/Kamira/Person in the photo is a model, the names are changed.

Have a query? Ask our experts! In this column, we take questions from adolescents and their parents on growing up, adolescence, puberty and everything in between; and put them to subject matter experts.

What is a low mood?

A mood describes the way one is feeling at a particular time. If we feel happy, we are in a good mood. If we feel sad, angry or irritable we are in a bad or a low mood. It is normal to have a low mood from time to time. Usually, a low mood is caused by our life events such as a fight with a friend or a difficult exam or a change in our daily routines. Sometimes we may also be feeling tired, exhausted, frustrated or lacking confidence in situations that lead to a low mood. 

• A low or bad mood usually passes after a couple of hours or days. There are several things you can do to help improve your mood.
• Do something you usually enjoy to break the low mood  
• Talk to someone 
• Get good sleep 
• Play the music you love 
• A little outdoor activity 
• Challenge the negative thoughts in your mind (is what I am thinking really true?) 

Also, check out this really informative video on Depression and Anxiety below: ( article below video) 

What is depression?

Depression is the state of feeling sad over a long period of time and begins to interfere with your day-to-day activities. There are many signs of depression that distinguish it from a low mood. These include 

• Losing interest in things you used to enjoy 
• Feeling sad or anxious all the time
• Having trouble sleeping
• Feeling tired even after sleeping 
• Feelings of guilt, worthlessness and helplessness 

Depression can be caused due to a number of factors. It could be caused by:

• Hereditary reasons (having blood relatives who have depression) 
• A major life-changing event or trauma (sickness or death in the family)
• Facing a long persisting difficult situation (such as bullying or harassment)

Depression is very common and can be addressed with the help of a professional. The most important thing is to not self-diagnose and treat. But to speak to a mental health professional who will work with you on what’s causing depression for you and then work on reducing and removing it. As a teenager, your first step should be to talk to your parents, your school counsellor or another trusted adult about your feelings, who can then get you the professional help you may need.

What is anxiety?

Anxiety is a feeling of nervousness, worry, and tension over events that are about to come. Anxiety is a natural response of our body to stressful situations. For example, we may feel anxious on the day of an exam or ahead of a school presentation. 

Anxiety can caused due to a variety of factors such as: 

• Facing a situation in front of too many people (such as a presentation, known as social anxiety)
• Being worried that bad things will happen in future (general anxiety) 
• Being worried about being away from loved ones (separation anxiety) 

Some level of anxiety is good for us as it helps us cope with the situation, like an exam. This is known as healthy anxiety. Feelings of such anxiety usually pass with the passing of the event. 

But if you continue to worry over situations it could be classified as unhealthy or unhelpful anxiety. 

Again, you should talk to your parents or a trusted adult about what’s causing you anxiety and get their help in addressing the cause of anxiety. For example, if you are finding it difficult to cope with a very busy schedule, then your parents can help you reduce some of the activities or help you manage your time better. Healthy food, some regular physical activity, getting enough sleep, having set routines and talking to friends and family helps with reducing anxiety. 

But if the feelings persist for longer periods and interfere with other daily activities, this may be an anxiety disorder. In such a situation, talk to your parents or guardian who can then consult a psychologist or a counsellor who can help you manage the feelings of anxiety with the help of therapy. 

 The information in this article has been sourced from cdc.gov and nhs.uk. If you feel that you are experiencing signs of depression, reach out to a trusted adult.  Do not self-diagnose, self-treat or use Google to try out any remedies.

Photo: Shutterstock/AJP/Person in the photo is a model, names changed.

Do you have any questions that are bothering you? Share with us in the comments box below. Remember no rude words or personal information in the comment box! 
Listen to this podcast –

You have your own reasons

Hey Kanika! First of all I want you to know that it’s absolutely okay to feel sad sometimes. There’s nothing wrong with it so don’t let it overwhelm you. You have your own reasons and if they matter to you, it is important. Trust me. Don’t let anybody tell you otherwise, okay?

Life can be a little intense sometimes and honestly, this pandemic hasn’t made it any better. Following the same routine day-in and day-out while rarely ever going out, I understand how that can affect your mental health in a negative way. 

Everybody needs a little change in their routine now and then. And the quarantine has been hard on a lot of people. So it’s not your fault and you do not, I repeat DO NOT need to feel about it. None of this is your fault.

Talking helps

But you do have to take some steps to help yourself. Take your time. Try to do things that make you feel better. It can be anything- singing your favorite songs out loud, dancing it out or even hanging out with some friends. 

And if you still feel like nothing helps, I would advise you to talk to your parents or another adult you trust. 

Talk about how you feel and since when have you been feeling the same. Anything in particular? It is possible that you may not be able to pinpoint to a particular reason and feel all the more frustrated. But hey, don’t do that. If you are feeling that way, there has to be a reason. 

You can request your parents to get you professional counseling. Bro, I’m telling you it can help.

Now talk to your parents and explain to them how you’ve been feeling. It may take a little convincing but they care about you and at the end of the day, it’s your health that matters most.

Seek counseling

Professional counseling can really make a difference.

Now wait a minute, counseling isn’t something to be ashamed of. Mental health is as important as our physical well being and I’m proud of you for coming out and talking about it. And it’s not easy asking for help in such hard times either; it takes a lot of strength. So you go supergirl! More power to you.

 The professional counselors can guide you to find the source of your problems and you might end up feeling a lot better when you come out of it. I mean talking about it is always a good idea if it’s with the right person. And who better than a professional right?

So keep your super heroine cape on and talk to your parents about getting professional help. You will definitely come out a much stronger person on the other side. 

Got a question or a doubt? Then come Ask Disha! The coolest Trusted Adult in India, Disha, will answer all your queries on Growing Up! Post them in the comments box below or send them to our Insta inbox! Disha will respond to them in upcoming columns. Please remember not to put out any personal information. 

#AskDisha is an advice column run by the editorial team at TeenBook India. The advice given in the columns is science-based but general in nature. Parents and adolescents should seek help from a professional or expert for specific concerns or issues.