Dear diary,

I can’t go anywhere these days without someone asking: ‘So, what’s the plan next?’ It happened again today. One of my father’s friends met us and the first thing he asked was, ‘Ab aage kya karna hai?’ I felt all eyes turning to me and I freaked out. And I could only blurt, ‘Abhi pta nhi’.OH MY GOD, THE EMBARRASSMENT!!! 

Back home, the same lecture started. “You’re in12th now”, “Think of the future”, “Ab zyada time nhi bacha hai”. As if I don’t know it! But I don’t know what to do!. There are so many options and so many different requirements for each, the subjects required, entrance exams, skill sets. How could one possibly know?

It’s all so confusing. All my classmates know what college they want to get into and what courses they wish to pursue. Well, not all of them, but the rest are so confident and  skilful they could build on that. How are they all so sure? I sometimes wonder if I am behind the rest, and it makes me so anxious. I feel so lost. 

But it won’t work this way.  I know I’m not lazy. I try. I think about it. I care. That’s what makes this even harder – wanting to figure things out, but being too overwhelmed to know where to begin. The constant pressure to know your future feels too much. 

Shouldn’t the elders know the future is unpredictable? As if they knew what to do with their lives when they were my age. So I can’t possibly know it. Koi samjhao inhe.

I know they are just worried about me, but deciding the next few years, which could probably frame your life, isn’t a decision to be taken quickly. Just imagine being stuck in this boring cycle of office life because of peer or family pressure? No thank you!

And in this situation, I do only one thing, let it be. I think it’s okay to take it slow. It’s not necessary to have your life planned at 16. There will always be that one overachiever who does everything and is always viewed by adults as ‘perfect’, but I don’t have to be them. 

A lot of my friends told me they’re only doing what their parents want them to do or they just say anything so they don’t seem unambitious. 

Personally, I think I would like to explore more and grow my knowledge before committing to a field. And it’s not necessary to have a conventional path in life, right? 

I would love to do something cool, meaningful, through which I could see the world. I wish people were paid to explore. Can I put that in my career goals?

Yours truly,

Meher

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