For years, our team of experts and educators has been dedicated to a single goal: creating a space where teenagers can get honest, reliable answers to the big questions about growing up, and where parents can find the tools to support them. We are talking about the real stuff: consent, healthy relationships, body changes, digital safety, and emotional boundaries.

Recently, several major media platforms have turned their spotlight onto these exact issues. It turns out the mainstream media finally agrees with what TeenBook has been saying all along: we need to change how we talk about growing up.

Whether you are a teenager trying to navigate these years or a parent trying to guide one, here is why these recent headlines matter to your family.

Headline #1: “Wait… Are We Forgetting To Teach Boys?”

A major article recently highlighted a massive gap in how we raise young people: we are leaving boys out of the conversation about relationships and boundaries.

Too often, the burden of learning about safety, consent, and boundaries is placed entirely on girls. But boys need real, comprehensive guidance just as urgently. And we do not just mean a basic biology lesson. We mean equipping young men with the tools to:

• Understand and express their emotions healthily, without feeling weird about it.
• Respect boundaries and handle rejection constructively.
• Communicating honestly in their friendships and relationships.

Why this matters: If parents and educators are not proactively talking to young men about these things, they will get their information elsewhere. In a world dominated by extreme algorithms, random group chats, and toxic corners of the internet, leaving boys to figure it out on their own is a highly risky game plan.

Headline #2: Rewriting the Rules of Growing Up

Growing up can feel pretty chaotic, which is exactly why TeenBook is here to help you figure it all out. This article highlights how we are stepping in to fix a broken system, making sure you don’t have to navigate the confusing parts of life completely on your own.

Instead of sitting through boring biology lectures, we treat relationship and body education like a real-world survival guide. We are breaking old rules by making sure guys are fully included in the conversation about emotions and boundaries, and we’re swapping sketchy late-night Google searches for honest, hype-free facts. Plus, we’re helping parents and teachers drop the awkwardness so everyone can finally just have normal, supportive conversations.

Headline #3: Addressing the Root, Not Just the Symptom

Every time a heavy, shocking news story breaks regarding adolescent harassment or online bullying, the public reaction is always a mix of grief and confusion: “How could this happen?”

However, one prominent op-ed turned the tables and asked a much deeper question: “What are we teaching youth before things go wrong?”

It is a tough question to confront, but it is incredibly vital. Core values like respect, empathy, and active consent are not automatic software updates that magically download into a child’s brain the day they turn 18. They are real-world skills that need to be modeled at home, discussed openly, and practiced throughout the teenage years.

Headline #4: Normalizing the “Awkward” 2:00 a.m. Questions

Another milestone for our community was seeing TeenBook’s podcast receive widespread media recognition. The premise of the show is simple: Teenagers have questions. A lot of them.

Some are hilarious, some are deeply serious, and many are the exact type of anxious questions a teen types into a search bar at 2:00 a.m. in incognito mode, hoping their parents never check the router history.

We created our podcast to be a completely judgment-free zone where those questions get answered honestly. When adults meet teenage curiosity with facts rather than shame or deflection, the awkwardness disappears. Being curious about growing up is entirely normal; leaving that curiosity to be answered by unverified internet rumors is where the danger lies.

Bringing the Conversation Home

We are not celebrating these media headlines just to brag about our press clippings. We are sharing this because this cultural shift is a massive win for your family.

The more the media normalizes these conversations, the easier it becomes to bring them to your own dinner table. It opens the door for parents and teens to talk about the heavy stuff without the cringe factor, backed by reliable, expert-approved resources rather than old myths and schoolyard rumors.

At TeenBook, our mission remains exactly the same: to create a world where asking questions is normal, knowledge is empowering, and growing up comes with a lot more guidance and a whole lot less confusion. We are just really glad to see that the rest of the world is finally catching up.

My teen brain followed the simple logic: If it has nothing to do with studies or academics or if it is not assigned as homework, why in the world should I even bother to write it down? Why? And is not the whole idea of cramming up the details of Renaissance and Reformation; of displacement reactions (bleh) and all the sins, cos’s, and tans of the world; of the human reproductive system; of the real and virtual images caused by mirrors and let me not begin with Shakespeare and all those paryayvachi words – enough as practice in writing?!

No? Really?? Mom and Dad, you are delusional I tell you!

My parents would just resign in helplessness and feel satisfied that I was at least putting pen to paper for my studies. 

After a few years, in an independent incident, when I had my first crush and was petrified to tell my folks – I chose to use my pocket money which was a mere 15 bucks at that time (yes ‘ONLY’ 15 bucks for the month. Stop the gasps please. It was around 1994) to buy a journal. It was a pretty journal, that had a brass-coloured lock. It had a beautiful pink butterfly with mauve-colored wings with a little gold dust sprayed over it. It was so pretty! Oh! The dreams I wrote in that journal, of cute scenarios I would picture myself in with my crush. Pictures of how we would hold hands and walk together around the jogging track while discussing our favorite MTV video and the latest song that played on it. How we would go to MG Road Pune and share an ice cream. How we would celebrate Valentine’s Day and give each other roses and let the whole class know that we were meant for each other forever and ever.  And then how one day we would get married!! Hahaha, looking back at these memories makes me smile with love at my young self. 

One day my mom found this journal, and after a forced scolding she made me sit down and understand the similarity between what I was already doing and what she had been suggesting all along. She showed me how the habit of writing had helped me imagine scenarios albeit with a boy – something she did not approve of. 

Nevertheless, it involved the practice of writing. 

Writing – a practice that allows you to put your thoughts to paper. In doing so, you think before writing to make sense of what you are writing. This allows for your thoughts to line up and take up time and space in your head before spilling out on paper. 

When my mom made me understand the concept of writing in this way, it hit home! I have lost count of the number of journals and diaries I have filled up in my four-plus decades on this planet. Today I do not waste my time on thinking too much, I choose to write it down and park it for some time. By evening, the issue that made me write about it in the first place, sorts itself out. 

Here’s how writing can help you too:

1. List your tasks: Forgetting assignments? Never again! Write them down, and you’ll always know what’s next.
2. Get ahead on your college application essay: Start small—write 50 words a day. It won’t seem so big when the time comes.
3. Vent and relieve stress: Sometimes, you just need to get things off your chest. Writing can help you vent without stressing about talking to someone.
4. Plan your goals: Write down your goals and break them into smaller steps. It’s easier to work towards them when you can see a clear path.

Of course, writing can mean a hundred things to a hundred different people. What it means to you; you will only know when you put pen to paper. 

Maybe it means creative writing for you. Maybe you write to create stories or poetry. Even for that, you will have to write tons of stuff to arrive at your final draft, which again will get revised so many times right?

What if you are the kind that writes only for yourself? If that is the case, you’ll see how just by writing regularly, you will discover so much about yourself through the years. Your writing will show you how you have evolved over the years. You will see patterns that keep repeating and things that you want to retain, and others that you need to let go. 

Even if you’re not into writing, give it a shot for a week! It can help you understand your thoughts and feelings—both the ones you share and the ones you keep to yourself. When you read it later, you’ll see how it clears your mind and might even help solve your problems. 

In my experience, writing just like exercising has proved to be one of the most powerful practices. Years pass and I look back at the progress I have made over the years to become so much better at so many things. It could not have been possible without data. This data for personal evolution lies in documenting your thoughts through writing regularly as a practice. 

I would urge all of you youngsters to begin early. Habits formed earlier on in life allow for space to do larger and bigger things in life! 

Kanika Kush, TeenBook’s Parent Expert, offers teens a fun and relatable glimpse into the parent perspective, helping us understand what’s going on in their parents’ minds as they navigate the teen years together. Check out her YouTube  page here. 

Editor’s Note: Say hello to our new column on TeenBook, where we flip the script and give parents the mic! While TeenBook is all about helping Indian teens figure out life, this space is for parents to spill the tea, share their insights, and offer advice as they try to keep up with their teens and survive the wild ride of adolescence. It’s the parent POV you didn’t know you needed!

The same shopkeeper who would bring a size small to me earlier without blinking an eye, started staring at me and saying to my mom ‘Isko large size aayega na madam?’ (A large size will fit her right ma’am?). Unfortunately, in those days – I am talking about in the 90’s, things were not as open as they are today and bodies and discussion around them were a bit of a taboo. Yet, judgement through labels and looks was prevalent like Covid19 virus with no mask protection or antibodies. Everybody was affected. So yes, I hear you – 90’s kids. We’ve seen our share of nonsensical times, haven’t we? 

Cut to today. 2024. Here is another story. One day I was picking up my son from school and we decided to stop at a coffee shop on the way back home. After we responded to the cheery ‘Hello ma’am, hello sir, welcome to xyz café’ and went over to place our order, the barista asked the usual – ‘Ma’am this will be regular, tall or Grande?’ I have lost count of the number of coffees I have had in my life, but on this winter day of 2023, the little eleven-year-old Kanika visited me suddenly from my past and asked me the following question: ‘Are you still hung up about the name given to something as mundane as size?’. 

Hmm. Interesting I thought. I mulled over this question for a bit and then realised how unknowingly and unintentionally my parents may have made me feel odd and awkward about my size or my weight, in my teenage years. While their intentions were well meaning and they came from a place of love, it still did not stop from creating a feeling of shame about my body, in my mind. 

I mean, I just told you how the eleven-year-old me, visited me in a swanky café right? Like suddenly out of the blue! I wish and hope that today all parents and children alike understand that size is size. That is all. Just like grades do not define a child’s intelligence, capability, or potential; similarly, ‘small, medium, large’ etc do not define a child’s or an adult’s self-worth, self-image, or confidence. They are just names given to sizes of clothes, so that they can fit us best. 

Clothes are supposed to fit our beautiful bodies; our bodies are not meant to fit clothes. When did this phenomenon even emerge? It is ridiculous to say the least!

While we will keep countering the emergence of new issues to deal with, with every new generation (including the machines that may have feelings; Artificial Emotions, duh!) – all we can do as parents is to communicate better. This means not just talking to them but also listening actively. For example, if your usually cheerful child suddenly seems withdrawn, instead of brushing it off as “a bad mood,” try gently asking open-ended questions like, “I noticed you’ve been quiet lately. Do you want to talk about it?” Being in touch with our kids’ feelings involves paying attention to subtle changes—like a slouched posture, avoiding eye contact, or an unusual silence—and responding with curiosity rather than judgment. If you sense something off, addressing it early can prevent bigger issues from festering. And if the situation feels beyond your expertise, remember, there’s no shame in seeking professional help. Today, there are counselors, online resources, and community groups ready to step in when needed. After all, acknowledging the small shifts is often the first step to helping our kids feel truly understood.

I am sure all parents will agree that at the end of the day all we need is for our children to be happy, healthy, capable, compassionate, and whole human beings. 

Here’s to raising beautiful children for a beautiful future!

Kanika Kush, TeenBook’s Parent Expert, offers teens a fun and relatable glimpse into the parent perspective, helping us understand what’s going on in their parents’ minds as they navigate the teen years together. Check out her YouTube  page here. 

Editor’s Note: Say hello to our new column on TeenBook, where we flip the script and give parents the mic! While TeenBook is all about helping Indian teens figure out life, this space is for parents to spill the tea, share their insights, and offer advice as they try to keep up with their teens and survive the wild ride of adolescence. It’s the parent POV you didn’t know you needed!

Photo: Shutterstock/Person in the photo is a model. Names changed.

He looked at me in a way that would put a puppy’s tilted head with curious eyes to shame. He said, “Ma, what’s an affair?” Now it was my turn to tilt my head, and I said, “You know, having an affair with a girl, being in a relationship?” 

He smiled and said – “Oh I thought affair meant legal affairs like I have studied in Civics. No Ma, I am not having an ‘affair’ (he air-quoted, and I swallowed my need to roll my eyes), and it is called seeing someone or cuffing.” And that was that. I learned a new word, did not roll my eyes at the suggestive ‘you’re old’ comment and he told me what was going on. 

He got up and left to play football IRL, but I stayed seated on my couch for a few more minutes, engrossed deeply into my teen years (the 90’s if you’re wondering) and how my mom would have felt when I used to dismiss her interest in my life quite rudely.

 There was one incident when I was trying to act too cool for school and head-banging to a song by the band ‘Guns N Roses’ which my classmates used to listen to, and I desperately wanted to fit into that group. I had bought the cassette with my pocket money, opened the cover, and memorized the lyrics the whole day and was practicing my head-banging moves in front of the mirror with my crazy hair all over my face, fully convinced that I was performing live in front of a huge audience when my mom walked in. I hate to admit this, but I am sure my mom would have swallowed a great deal of feelings that day and then proceeded to gently ask me what I was doing. The feelings could have ranged from uncontrollable laughter, the ridiculousness of the scene, utter shock about her daughter studying ‘paryayvachi shabd’ a few hours ago and suddenly transforming into this unrecognizable creature, and of course the ludicrous bodily and facial movements she was making. 

I remember turning red with embarrassment, yet choosing to stay cool and saying this is the latest trend and she would not know much about this as she was too old. She did not respond to that but continued saying how she may have heard of the band and would want to know more. I remember mocking her so badly upon hearing this and saying how she is making up stuff to act young. Aah! I wish I could go back and apologize to her at that moment because I think I hurt her feelings that day and she later told me that the reason she said what she did was not to act young but to stay abreast of things going on in my life. 

I did manage to apologize to her when I grew up and had my own child, but this incident did teach me a thing or two about projections. How we all tend to project our own needs or fears onto others.

Today I find it very easy to overlook some things like – comments, body language, mood swings, and strange behavior displayed by my son that may come across as rude but is not meant to be. I take space and time, pause a bit, and take recourse to the ‘Guns N Roses’ incident. I see how things changed over time for me and I trust that they will for my teen too. Just like us, our teens are going through a huge phase of their lives, so tiny amounts of feeling old here, and out of place there will not hurt us parents.

And I hope that all our teen readers agree that all we want is for them to be happy, whole, and loving grown-ups and that when we ask you stuff we are not acting young or trying to be cool, we just still want to know what’s going on 😊

Kanika Kush, TeenBook’s Parent Expert, offers teens a fun and relatable glimpse into the parent perspective, helping us understand what’s going on in their parents’ minds as they navigate the teen years together. Check out her YouTube  page here. 

Editor’s Note: Say hello to our new column on TeenBook, where we flip the script and give parents the mic! While TeenBook is all about helping Indian teens figure out life, this space is for parents to spill the tea, share their insights, and offer advice as they try to keep up with their teens and survive the wild ride of adolescence. It’s the parent POV you didn’t know you needed!

Hello, feelings 

All of us go through a lot of feelings throughout the day. Our mind and body are home to a good deal of emotions. Some stay on permanently while some keep coming like guests and others are also unwanted.  

Now even when unwelcome guests come, we still greet them, sit with them, offer them tea and coffee and be there during their visit. Don’t we? Because we never know how and when we might need them in life. It’s always good to stay connected.

The same logic works with our feelings. We need to connect to our feelings so that we can better understand them because these emotional guests are often reminders that our minds and body need attention. 

Are you low because you are hungry or scored low in your exams? Are you tired because of a hectic schedule or because you haven’t been sleeping enough? Do you feel like crying all the time because of your bodily changes or is it because of a situation at home? 

It is important to understand and label your emotions so that you can work towards managing your feelings in a way that allows you to function properly. 

How to understand your feelings?  

Engaging with your feelings will help you understand them better. Here are a few tips. 

• Ask yourself – Do you notice a feeling at a particular time of the day? Is it at school? Is it at home? At a tuition class? It will help you understand the root cause of your feelings. 
• Now be a bit creative and ask what your feelings look like. What colour, how big, does it have a voice, does it feel warm, cold, hot, or rough or smooth? This will allow you to gauge the intensity of your feelings. For example, a red and rough textured feeling may indicate to someone that the feeling they are having is intense and they need help. A blue and warm feeling may let you know that it will pass. These colours, their significance and intensities could be different for different folks. 
• Depending on their intensity, you can work with some feelings on your own; if you are having a bad day at school and feeling lonely, you spend some time with your best friend during lunchtime. 

When to seek help

At times, some highly intense feelings decide to stay with us, and it is time to talk to someone trusted about it, and sometimes it can be a teacher, parent, or counsellor. Strong feelings like hopelessness, frustration, feeling inferior, terrified, and the like need to be addressed. These feelings might become very strong and interfere with our daily lives like school, home, relationships, etc. 

Here are some tips to overcome these overpowering feelings: 

1. Look in the mirror and compliment yourself daily; start your day by feeling good about yourself. If something brings in feelings of inferiority, ask yourself, what are you good at? 
2. Engaging in a calming activity, like dancing, painting, or talking to your parents, a teacher, a counsellor, or a friend, can help you with your mood, and you can think clearly. 
3. Journaling about your day might also give you clarity and space to safely express your feelings. 
4. Identifying where the feeling is strongest or heaviest in your body and shrugging it off sometimes helps you relax and think ahead. 

The underlying message that our feelings give us is to acknowledge them. Pause, reflect, and act. Start exploring your emotions today. 

Photo: Shutterstock/Rawpixel.com

Arshi Alam is a Psychologist and Teen Counsellor at a prestigious Gurgaon School. 

Have a query? Ask our experts! In this column, we take questions from adolescents and their parents on growing up, adolescence, puberty and everything in between; and put them to subject matter experts. 

Watch this video to know more:

Peer pressure

So you are facing peer pressure? How do you feel? Wait, but first, what really is
peer pressure? Let’s first understand peer pressure and then learn how to deal with it. 

Peer pressure in simple terms can be defined as “doing something you don’t like, to impress your friends or to fit in with them.” These friends might be from your school/college, your neighbourhood, your social groups or even your cousins, who are of more or less the same
age as you. 

Sometimes this might also happen during the process of making new friends. You might
try to do or behave in a manner they like, in order to fit in. 

You know, this pressure is felt and dealt differently by different people. And while
some of us may be able to identify the risks and are able to resist peer pressure, some of us might give in. It also depends on the situation we may find ourselves in.

Also, don’t forget to check out this amazing video on intimacy in relationships:

To do or not to do? 

In this context, let’s talk about the peer pressure that you are under – to have a relationship or a physical/sexual contact. 

Teenagers can often assume, also perhaps an impression cultivated by movies, that
everyone their age is having sex and has to express their love by accepting a sexual request from their bf/gf. 

So the first thing to know is both of these things are not true. Whatever the
perception everyone is not having sex and that one does not need to comply with a sexual request to express their love.

Another important point to note is that sexual contact before the age of 18 is illegal
in our country.

Furthermore, during teenage, sexual involvement is not advisable because it can have negative effects on one’s mental growth and development.

It is also a good idea to wait, until we feel that we have the emotional bandwidth and capability to handle consequences that such a contact may generate. 

But the pressure…

That’s all fine, you may say. But what to do about all the pressure! For that,
let’s first understand why you feel this pressure. Here are some of the common reasons: 

So how to deal with peer pressure about sexual contact? Here are a few practical tips: 

Niyatii N Shah is a sexuality educator, intimacy coach, author, TedX speaker based out of Mumbai. She can be found on Twitter here. 

Have a query? Ask our experts! In this column, we take questions from adolescents and their parents on growing up, adolescence, puberty and everything in between; and put them to subject matter experts. 

Your pain is normal

Anger, sadness, disappointment and hurt are common emotions to experience after a rejection. You may even have physical side effects, such as headaches, stomach pain or nausea. (If you suffer from depression or similar conditions, your symptoms may even be worse, so don’t hesitate to consult your doctor.)

Don’t forget to check out this informative video on How to handle rejection below: 

It’s okay not to be okay 

You’re only human and it’s normal to feel overcome by emotions after a rejection. You don’t have to ‘be strong’ or ‘put on a brave face.’

Find and express your emotions

If this is the first time you’ve experienced rejection or the end of a relationship, it may take you a while to sort out your feelings.

1. Let it go: Having a good cry in a place you feel safe, such as your bedroom, can help release pent-up emotions. Let it all out. We all do it. Being a real person means you have real emotions. There’s nothing to be ashamed of.
2. Write it down: Try to write down how you feel – not for anyone else, just for yourself. It can help you to work out how you really feel. And once the thoughts are down on paper, they might stop swirling around in your head.
3. Talking helps: Share your experience with people who care about you. And listen to their stories. If you hear how others have coped with rejection, you may start to believe that you’ll be able to cope as well.
4. Stick to the facts: It can be easy to start over-analysing the situation or to add details that may or may not be true. For example, instead of saying: ‘That girl didn’t go out with me because I’m fat and ugly.’

Stick to the facts, which are:

‘That girl didn’t go out with me’. 

We know that it’s still a rejection and it doesn’t change the fact that a girl didn’t go out with you. But by sticking with what actually happened, you avoid upsetting yourself even more.

1. No violence please: If someone rejects you, it hurts, but it’s their absolute right. Never, ever try to hurt them back. Also, don’t take out your bad feelings on other people around you, by getting aggressive or violent. This will just push people away from you – and likely lead to more rejections and unhappiness.
2. Don’t indulge in bad habits: Vaping, smoking, partying, drugs, junk food – these are all methods people use to try and comfort themselves. But in the long run, they will only make you feel worse about yourself. Better to occupy your mind with something worthwhile, like sports or creativity.
3. Keep active: The busier you are, the less time you will have to feel sad. Take up a new sport. Join a club. Learn an instrument. Try a new hobby. Learn a new skill. You will meet new people and feel better about yourself.
4. Focus on your positive qualities: Rebuild your self-esteem! Start by asking your friends what they like about you. If this feels too awkward, write your own list of qualities that make you the perfect person to date. Are you loyal and caring? A good listener? A talented cook? Try to remember the times your friends and family have praised you. It will remind you that you are indeed quite fab.
5. Give yourself time to heal and forgive: Like most clichés, it’s mostly true: ‘time is the great healer’. But clichés are often easier said than done! 

We know it hurts now and it’s hard to imagine ever feeling differently. But one day you’ll come out the other side. Promise. Then you’ll be ready to meet new and interesting people – one of whom will likely fall for you!

Photo: Shutterstock/Kamira/Person in the photo is a model, the names are changed.

Have a query? Ask our experts! In this column, we take questions from adolescents and their parents on growing up, adolescence, puberty and everything in between; and put them to subject matter experts.

Good stress

Stress is our body’s reaction and our mind’s reaction to any adversity. Stress is necessary to deal with adversity. 

The adversity could be internal. For instance, let’s say I’m thirsty. This means my body lacks water, and therefore to deal with this, I feel thirsty. So this thirst is likely stressful and if I don’t feel the thirst, I will not drink water and I will die.

So this is stress, a body’s natural and adaptive reaction to something that is adverse. And the goal of stress is to deal with this adversity.

Now, this adversity could be external. For instance, let’s say I’m standing in the sun and I feel very warm. So the body has this stress reaction that you’re feeling warm so you’ll move out of the sun. This is a normal adaptive stress reaction.

So any stress that is adaptive, which means it helps you fix the problem and is not very very distressing can be termed as normal stress or useful stress. 

Bad stress

Now when we talk about problematic stress, we look at two aspects. First and foremost, it is very distressing. So it causes you a lot of discomforts, either psychologically or physically. And whatever you do in that stress, is not helpful in the longer run. 

These are the two clear parameters on which you can identify that the stress is something that is not helping you or causing you distress.

So one of the first indicators is the intensity with which you’re feeling the discomfort. So if the intensity is high, you need to think about that stress as harmful stress. And if you do something that is not helpful to you in the long run, then also we can say that it is dysfunctional stress. In such a case, we should talk to someone who can help us reduce this kind of stress.

For learning how to manage stress, head to our stress buster resource. Also, don’t forget to check out his detailed podcast on teenage wala stress below: 

Dr Shishir Palaspure is a trained psychologist who specializes in Cognitive Behaviour Therapy and Rational Emotive Behaviour Therapy. He is also the Founder of the CORE emotional education program for schools. More details on his work can be found here. 

The person in the photo is a model. Photo: Shutterstock/Max kegfire

Have a query? Ask our experts! In this column, we take questions from adolescents and their parents on growing up, adolescence, puberty and everything in between; and put them to subject matter experts.

Children as sexual beings 

Often in my practice, parents ask questions such as:


“I caught my teenager masturbating, now what should I do?” 

“My child is chatting with strangers on social media platforms and is not stopping.” 

“My daughter says she never wants to have kids because it hurts a lot. How do I change her mind?”

When I tell them that the answer to all their problems is Comprehensive Sexuality Education, a sudden and uncomfortable silence follows. 

That’s right. When it comes to sex education, parents unanimously vote for the abstinence approach, meaning they do not want their child to have sex or any kind of sexual activity. 

They would just say to me, “Just make sure my child understands that s/he MUST NOT indulge in sex or sexual activities!”

I understand, we all want our children to be safe. Safe from strangers, from an unwanted pregnancy and heart breaks. Many parents also want their children to give priority to their studies and career and hence promote abstinence. 

But does that work? The short answer is no. Humans are sexual beings, children are human, hence children are sexual beings.

If we tell them they must not think about these feelings, can our children suddenly not feel attracted to someone? Would they not talk to new people and develop new feelings? Would they not explore? They would! 

So, the first step is to understand these facts and accept them. The next step would be to prepare our teenagers for handling this side of their journey to adulthood, help them stay safe and develop themselves into independent, happy and healthy individuals. 

Sexual Development and Behaviour 

The next thing I tell parents is to be cognizant of the sexual developments and behavioural changes children may undergo during their adolescent years. Often parents are too caught up with education and career paths, that this side of things may be left unobserved or at least keenly so. 

Understanding these developments, help you understand your teens better. Once you know what’s happening with them, you can explore ways to help them.

10-13 years (Early adolescence) 

14-18 years (Late adolescence) 

These are only a few of several changes that your children may be experiencing as they go through adolescence.

Once you are mindful of what your children are going through, you can guide or help them. But they will only follow your guidance or let you help them if you acknowledge how they feel and think.

Teenagers are in the process of becoming independent individuals having their own beliefs and values. The more you understand them and allow them to have their own understanding of things, the more they trust you to guide them in the right direction. Else most children believe their parents are orthodox and narrow minded and may shut them out from their journey to adulthood.

A few tips that will help you guide your child:

Just like toddlers learn to walk or recognize mom and dad, adolescents hit important milestones in how they recognize, experience and feel about their bodies. By understanding how your teenagers  grow and learn, you can play an important role in fostering their emotional and physical health and Comprehensive Sexuality Education is an integral part of it.

Last but not the least, as we often remind parents, Comprehensive Sexuality Education, is not teaching children just about sex. It teaches them to understand their bodies, their feelings and provides them the knowledge to navigate themselves as sexual beings. 

Without this education, they will step into adulthood but without a proper education and critical information. Would we do that once it comes to other aspects of adulthood such as financial independence? Then why the risk with this aspect that will govern a major part of their adult lives? I leave that question with you.  

Niyatii N Shah is a sexuality educator, intimacy coach, author, TedX speaker based out of Mumbai. She can be found on Twitter here. 

Have a query? Ask our experts! In this column, we take questions from adolescents and their parents on growing up, adolescence, puberty and everything in between; and put them to subject matter r experts. 

Listen to the podcast on this topic at here. Read rest of the article below it-

What is a ‘good’ decision? 

Well, whether a decision is good or bad can only be decided once it has been made and its results are obvious. So no one decision can be good or bad when one is making it. But yes, we can make an informed decision which can increase the possibility of it being a good decision. 

Informed decision-making is a process of assessing risks and benefits and most importantly collecting relevant information before you take a step. 

It depends on a lot of factors which are sometimes not in your control but a lot of factors that are in your control. There are uncertainties that can affect your decision-making. No informed decision is based on a hundred per cent certainty and every day you have to choose something over another. 

How to make an informed decision?

For example, in the future, you might have to make a decision on what subjects you want to take up in high school. Science, commerce, humanities or something completely new. Now, this is important because a lot is riding on the decision you make.

So here you will need to sit and think. What subjects do I like to study and can really work hard on? Because if you don’t enjoy a subject, you are not likely to do well or be able to make a career out of it. Only if you enjoy these subjects, the fact that you’re able to put in the time and effort needed. So the decision will be based on a conversation you first have with yourself. You can then speak to trusted adults who have taken those subjects at school and are now working in their chosen fields. It will give you an idea of what prospects your chosen subjects have and how you can chart your future with those subjects. 

Finally, you can find out more about the kind of post-school education available for your subjects and the kind of support you would need to pursue them. Once you have thought about all these things, you can make a final decision that would be not just based on your likes and dislikes but on a variety of other factors. 

Let’s take another example. You have pocket money and you want to buy shoes but you also want to buy a set of books. The decision you will have to take will need you to seek more information about the choice that you need to make. So you have two options, you want to buy books and you want to buy shoes. 

Try and assess what you need more. Do you need the books first or do you need the shoes first? The other thing you might want to evaluate is the cost. The books that you want to buy, how much they cost, and the shoes that you are looking to buy, how much do they cost. Doing a little bit of cost analysis will also help you decide what you want to go ahead with first. Will you need to add in more money to pick up a specific choice? Or maybe you have torn shoes, and it is an immediate need and you would want to spend on shoes first. 

So assessing the scenario, and looking at all the factors, it is important that you come to a decision that is well informed. You have thought about what is more important to you right now, where is the need, and what you can afford. So looking at all of that, you make an informed decision. That I pick books over shoes or shoes over books. 

Decisions come with consequences 

So basically, unlike our childhood, when we made decisions based only on desire. I want ice cream and I want it right now! But teenagers and adults require making decisions that are informed. Why? Because as children you are never asked to make decisions that have a long-term impact and it will be your parents making those decisions for you. 

But as you become a teenager and move towards adulthood, you need to think about what you want, why you want it, how are you going to get it and what are the various factors that are involved in getting what you want. Why? Because adulthood is also the time when we have to face the consequences of our decisions. But don’t worry, help is always at hand. 

You can talk to a trusted adult, your parents, your teachers, counsellors or send us your questions. You can also use the Seven-Step Ladder to make your decision. It is a pretty cool way and can help in many situations. Taking decisions and making choices sometimes can be very very hard. 

Photo: Shutterstock/Person in photo is a model.

Have a query? Ask our experts! In this column, we take questions from adolescents and their parents on growing up, adolescence, puberty and everything in between; and put them to subject matter experts.

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