Heyyy. Very valid question. Because let’s be honest you’re not the only one confused about this one. Gaslighting is one of those words that shows up everywhere. Reels, rants, comment sections, random conversations in school. Everyone uses it very confidently but  … but the moment you ask, “Okay, but what does it actually mean?” suddenly everyone needs water, WiFi, and time to think.

So let’s talk about it properly. 

What gaslighting actually means

Gaslighting is when someone makes you doubt your own thoughts, feelings, or memory.

And no, it’s not dramatic. There’s no big fight, no dhum tana nana na in the background, no moment where you dramatically realise the truth while staring out of a window.

It’s more like this. You’re sure about how something felt. Then five minutes later you’re thinking, “Wait… am I being dramatic?” even though nothing actually changed.

You didn’t imagine it. Your brain is just being messed with.

Let’s say you tell a friend, “I felt really bad when you ignored me all day.”

They reply, “What are you talking about? I didn’t ignore you.”

Now you’re mentally opening WhatsApp, Instagram, your memory, your soul. Did they actually ignore you or did you just overreact? Did they reply late or did you check too fast?

If this happens once, fine. If this becomes a pattern, welcome to overthinking season.

Why gaslighting is about control

Gaslighting is not just lying or remembering things differently. It’s about always needing to be right.

One person becomes the final authority on reality. The other starts collecting screenshots like evidence, over explaining feelings, and practising conversations in the shower that may never even happen.

That’s not communication. That’s emotional chess, and you didn’t even agree to play. Gaslighting does not only happen in romantic relationships.

It can happen in friendships when someone says something rude and later says, “I was joking, why are you being dramatic?” It can happen in friend groups where your reaction gets more attention than what actually caused it. It can even happen at home when your feelings are dismissed as unnecessary drama.

Basically, if the sentence starts with “Why are you reacting like this?” instead of “Why did I do that?” take note.

Common gaslighting lines you might recognise

These phrases deserve their own playlist because they show up so often.

“You’re overreacting.”
“That never happened.”
“You’re too sensitive.”
“Why do you make everything such a big deal?”

Hearing these once in a while is normal. Hearing them every single time you speak up is not.

How gaslighting usually makes you feel

Gaslighting often leaves you feeling confused and weirdly guilty. You might apologise even when you’re not sure what you’re apologising for.

You may stop bringing things up because explaining yourself feels tiring. Staying quiet starts to feel easier, even though it shouldn’t.

If silence feels safer than talking, something is off.

Gaslighting versus normal disagreements

Disagreements are normal. Different opinions are normal.

In a healthy disagreement, someone might say, “I don’t see it that way, but I get why you felt bad.” In gaslighting, the response sounds more like, “Why are you like this?”

One response listens. The other shuts things down.

If someone keeps making you doubt your memory, your reactions, or your feelings, pause and notice it. You’re not “too much.” You’re just responding to something real.

You deserve relationships where you can talk without feeling like you need screenshots, witnesses, or a full presentation to be taken seriously.

Always.

Got a question or a doubt? Then come Ask Disha! The coolest Trusted Adult in India, Disha, will answer all your queries on Growing Up! Post them in the comments box below or send them to our Insta inbox! Disha will respond to them in upcoming columns. Please remember not to put out any personal information. 

Once upon a time, there was a girl named Tara. She wasn’t trapped in a spooky castle or cursed by a witch. Nope. Her tower was more modern and, honestly, way sneakier: it was her own home, ruled by ultra-strict parents who had rules for literally everything.

No phone after 9 PM. No hanging out with friends on weekdays. No loud music. No late-night snacks. Basically, no fun without parental Wi-Fi approval. Tara felt like Rapunzel stuck in a tower… except her tower had Wi-Fi, and instead of a magical braid, she had… homework and guilt.

At first, Tara thought she could outsmart it. She imagined a Tangled-level rescue: a friend, a sibling, maybe even a mysterious stranger on a motorbike (okay, Flynn Rider) who’d swoop in, hand her a starbucks with her name on it, and tell her, “Let’s goo.”

Reality check: Flynn Rider never showed up. And swinging out the window on a braid? Not an option. Her attempts to sneak out always ended in her parents catching her mid-text or mid-sneak snack raid. Tara was officially grounded, again.

Even her hobbies started betraying her. Painting? Meh. Guitar? More like “ugh, why bother.” Texting friends? Exhausting. TikTok scrolling? Somehow more stressful than her algebra homework. And the real plot twist? Her brain had joined the parental team. “You’re lazy.” “Why can’t you be like your cousin, Aisha, who’s running a YouTube channel AND learning French?”

Then one evening, Tara had a moment. She grabbed her notebook,yes, an actual notebook, not Notes on her phone and started scribbling: the frustration, the boredom, the feeling that she was trapped in a real-life TikTok reel called “Teen Trapped at Home: Day 437.”

She realized the tower wasn’t just her parents’ rules, it was also her own expectations. She’d been comparing herself to everyone online: cousins, friends, strangers making viral videos. And honestly? She was exhausted.

And then came her Rapunzel glow-up moment. She didn’t need a dramatic escape. She needed a strategy:

• Asking to stay out a little longer without sending a 50-message group chat to plead.
• Negotiating music time in her room without blasting it so loud it triggered the parental alarm system.
• Scheduling short “freedom breaks” to paint, play guitar, prank her brother, or binge-watch a show she actually likes (yes, even reality TV counts).

Suddenly, the tower didn’t feel like a trap. Tara realized walls aren’t always prison walls—they can be practice spaces for negotiation, patience, and tiny rebellions that don’t get you grounded for life.

And slowly, things changed. She didn’t magically become the queen of independence overnight. Some days she still stared at the ceiling, thinking, “Why am I like this?” But now she had tricks up her sleeve, moments to laugh, and a legit sense of control.

The twist? Tara didn’t need Flynn Rider, a magical braid, or some epic escape. She realized the real rescue was her own courage, her creativity, and a little bit of teen-level strategy. The tower hadn’t disappeared but she had figured out how to live in it without losing herself.

Moral of the story: sometimes the hero isn’t the mysterious stranger or the viral trend. Sometimes it’s just you… learning how to wiggle, sneak, negotiate, and laugh your way out of a TikTok-length tower moment.

The End

Dear Diary,

Today it happened again. My dadi had to work late, and I was left alone to figure out dinner. I tried making pasta, but I burned it. It’s not just about the burnt pasta, though. It’s about wanting someone to be there, you know? Someone to help me when I mess up, or just to talk about my day. It feels like everyone else has that… but me. 

When I look around, I see my friends enjoying dinner with their parents. I try to distract myself by watching reels, but then I scroll and see people posting family pictures.

It was Father’s Day two days ago. Everyone was going out and celebrating, and here I was trying to find the age of Mary by solving linear equations. Haha, crazy night na?

As I watched myself from the outside, I wondered how many others like me are quietly struggling, their stories hidden behind everyday smiles. Growing up without parental support is like walking with invisible weights. The smallest things like school, dinner, waking up on time can become a big deal.

The absence of someone to guide you, to check in, to just be there… leaves a weird kind of emptiness. Sometimes, I feel like I’m carrying the weight of the world on my shoulders with juggling school, chores, and this constant pressure to not mess up. I can’t help but wonder why my world feels so different.

The emotional void left by a missing parent can be overwhelming. It makes you question your worth, your abilities. I start doubting if I can even trust people properly. Because when you grow up without steady support, you kind of train yourself not to expect it.

Insecurity keeps popping up, especially when simple decisions start feeling like mountain-sized challenges. Who do I ask for advice? Who do I trust with my fears? I often feel alone in my struggles, and the emotional load becomes just… too much.

It’s hard, yaar. Balancing personal stuff, controlling your emotions, and still trying to be “normal”, to laugh, to fit in, to seem okay.

Sometimes, a child just wants someone to see beyond their brave face. Like when someone casually asks, “What does your dad or mom do?”  and then immediately follows it up with “Oh, I’m so sorry for your loss.” And I’m like, roz ka wahi “No, it’s fine” bolna. But is it really fine?

Still, despite all of this, I hold on to one thing, hope. Hope that someday I’ll find strength in these struggles. That the wounds will start to heal. I wish the world was a little kinder, a little more understanding towards kids like us.

Because we’re not just our struggles. We’re young souls trying to figure out life, fighting silent battles every single day.

Tomorrow’s a new day. I’ll try to face it with a little more courage and the reminder that maybe, just maybe, I’m not as alone as I feel.

Would you like to share your feelings with TeenBook? Send us your thoughts in the comments box! Remember, not to put any personal information in the comment box.

Ok, so you might’ve read fifty articles or self-help books. Gone through three hundred motivational quotes or skimmed through some science articles on this. The truth? As overused as some of the things in this article are, they actually hold true. 

A few years ago, during the pandemic, I was also a complete screen addict. It didn’t help that we were all confined to our homes. My average screen time was 7 hours, and there were days when I would spend up to 8 or 9 hours just staring at blue light. On a holiday, my laptop and I were inseparable. When I got back from school, I’d hop on Minecraft and grind away. I was pretty much spending 80% of my day doing nothing on the screen, and most of the time, I ended up getting zero exercise. Now, this went on for about two years or so. Wake up, school, return, play video games, watch YouTube, go to bed at like 11 PM. When I think back now, I feel kind of disgusted. So, what’s changed between now and then? 

Firstly, by no means am I completely off the screen. I still occasionally spend hours doing nothing or get caught up in scrolling. I still end up procrastinating – yes, it’s far from perfect. But, at least, it’s an improvement. Here’s the science behind screen addiction – and the methods that helped me escape it (and still help me out on a day-to-day basis):

Blame it on dopamine

Ah yes – the golden word. Dopamine. You’ve probably read this many times before, yet research constantly backs this fact. Things like notifications, social media, and video games trigger the brain’s nucleus accumbens – a part of the brain responsible for releasing dopamine. This makes you feel good and makes you want to repeat the actions that lead to releasing more dopamine. 

In fact, the dopamine loop activated by screen stimuli is similar to the effects of cocaine and similar substances. Pretty quickly, this constant release of dopamine makes you crave quick rewards, which can be problematic as it rewires your brain to avoid hard work, longer periods of concentration, and expect instant gratification.

The problem here? The truth is, pretty much everything in real life requires delayed gratification. Success isn’t instant, and you don’t get instant feedback after you do something. You solve a math problem, there’s no on-the-spot confetti or a “victory royale” sign when you do it – you just crack on with the next one. So when you score high on the end-of-year exam, it’s months of quiet, consistent effort, not instant knockouts. And that’s pretty much how real life is. 

They want you hooked

It becomes harder to beat the system when you realize that the people who made the apps you’re using actually use science and psychology to ensure it’s addictive. Many social media apps and video games are deliberately designed with that goal: to keep users hooked. Behind the scenes, their teams brainstorm new ways to make users scroll… and scroll… and scroll. 

Take the example of the beloved video game, Fortnite. Battle passes, loot boxes, frequent updates – all carefully designed mechanisms to keep users playing, gradually getting them addicted. YouTube, Instagram work similarly. You swipe… and swipe… and then swipe again. 

Hey! Someone liked my post! 

Oh no… so many dislikes too…

Yeah, so it’s pretty easy to get addicted when the guys who make your apps literally want you to. 

Your brain is lazy too

Science suggests that the human brain aims to conserve energy. If a task can be done with less effort, it’ll go for it. This is fine because it can help one work more efficiently, but it quickly becomes problematic when amplified with things like social media and gaming. 

Let’s say you have an exam to prepare for. Now, studying requires active concentration and genuine effort. Scrolling through Insta? Requires nothing other than mechanical finger swiping. So your brain will probably go towards the latter. 

But research also finds that the brain thrives on challenges, too, and gains a higher sense of accomplishment after completing effortful tasks. When immersed in a deeply challenging task, the brain enters into a “flow” state, which is a state of total concentration where the brain focuses entirely on the task at hand. The activity feels rewarding and enjoyable, and the effort begins to feel effortless.

It’s easy to numb your brain scrolling or tapping away at a screen, but way more challenging to put in genuine effort. It’s harder to reach a flow state than waste time, even though you’ll feel a lot more accomplished after completing a challenging task than doing nothing. 

Ok, so that’s the bad (but real) stuff. Now, how can you escape this matrix? I’ll share a few things that significantly helped me, so hopefully they can start you on your journey from 5% productivity to at least doing the important stuff:

1. Change your mindset

Nothing will really work if you don’t begin with a change in your mindset. Go from thinking “How can I enjoy myself?” to “How can I make a real difference?” or “What’ll set me up for success?”. A good book I’d recommend is Atomic Habits, which emphasizes that the first step to breaking a bad habit is to change your worldview. Only when you personally want to do things differently will you actually make a change. 

2. Pick up a sport

Most of the time, people will just tell you: “get some exercise”. But I find it’s even more effective when you play a sport, because it’s more likely that you’ll enjoy yourself. For me, this was chess and cricket. Pick up any sport you like watching, or have enjoyed playing, and take it up seriously. Be consistent; put in an hour or more every day, and you’ll start seeing progress and feel a sense of accomplishment. 

3. Start small

It might be daunting to suddenly turn around your life in a day, so you can start with the little things. I started with: “Instead of playing Minecraft from 5:00-6:00, can I play chess instead?” and worked my way up from there. Basically, replace each wasted hour with something more useful. So instead of scrolling through reels before dinner, you can decide to revise old math concepts or go through your chemistry notes.

4. Plan your day

Ok, this is one of my father’s. He always says it helped him. It’s a habit I’m also trying to build: keeping a routine diary. Just before going to bed or after waking up, decide what you’re going to do the next day. What’s your main goal going to be? Fill up each hour of the day with meaningful activities – what are you going to do when you come from school? When are you going to revise biology? When will you eat dinner? Pack in your schedule completely so you don’t have any time to waste and meander over to the screen. It’s difficult to start habits like this, so, once again, I’d recommend the book Atomic Habits to understand the science behind cultivating and maintaining habits. 

5. Discipline > 3am motivation

Motivation is the desire to act. Discipline is the ability to act when that desire is absent. Long-term habit building and success come through building discipline, not relying on fleeting sparks of that 3 AM motivation. Nobody’s perfect in this! Focus on building discipline instead of constantly trying to whip yourself into a burst of motivation. Motivation can be that initial spark, but it’s discipline and only discipline that’ll keep you pushing forward.

Remember, everything is usually fine in moderation. You can set aside an hour a day or so to catch up on whatever you wish to do on the screen, but it’s important to practice good digital hygiene and keep track of your time. From all that I’ve read and am still figuring out (big time!) — it’s a mix of your overall mindset, discipline, and habits that will propel you forward, but hey, you find that out on your own.

Do you have any questions for Science Lab? Post them in the comments box below. We will respond to them in our upcoming articles. Please don’t put any personal information.

Amogh shares a page of his diary as he prepares to change schools. Again. A difficult goodbye or the chance for a new beginning. Find out in this edition of Dear diary. 

Dear diary,

“You’re joining a new school!”

These five words (or six, if you count “you’re” as “you are”) basically shake up everything in your existence when you’re a kid. And I really mean everything. 

The words sink in, and suddenly, you realise what this means: this is the last time you see your friends. The last time you see your teachers. The last time you’re going to walk the familiar hallways, the last time you enter through beloved gates, the last time you enter homeroom. Think about it… the place, the people you spent 8 hours every day with? You might never see them again. It genuinely feels like all that you loved, lived and laughed for is just…ending. Ok, so it’s probably not that dramatic. But still. 

The feeling is complex. It’s a mix of shock, excitement, stress, melancholy, and basically everything in between. I’ve moved schools and moved countries 3 times, and yet, the idea of moving schools still catches me completely off guard. Well, I’m shifting schools. Again. Fourth time’s the charm?. And those five words still spark some sense of how I felt moving schools for the first time, back when I was 6 years old. My father had just gotten transferred to New York, and we were leaving the country in a month-and-a-half. And everything I said about moving schools in the second paragraph? Well, all that is compounded to the power 8 when you’re moving to another country. 

Back then, I didn’t really know what to feel. To be honest, I was more like: “Well, what am I supposed to do? New York? What’s that? Huh? Lego? Wait… can I have a Lego for my birthday? Please… Lego Star Wars? Darth Vader? Kylo Ren? Wait… the Force Awakens is in theatres? Papa? Can we go watch?” So, I really didn’t feel too much. 

As little kids, I guess we’re more optimistic, because I didn’t really care about the fact that this was the last time I’d probably see most people around me at school. I didn’t feel most of the melancholy. All I really cared about was the new Lego AT-AT Walker set which was releasing in New York a lot earlier than it was in India. 

But fast forward two years, just as I’m completing third grade in New York, I hear those five  words again. Followed by “We’re moving to Dublin, in Ireland!” Initially, I’m dumbfounded. Which Dublin again? And after I’m done pondering about how I’m going to shift all my Lego sets to Dublin – the one in Ireland, I realize what’s going to happen. And an uneasy feeling hits me. So the next day in school, I tell all my friends that, in a month, I’m probably never seeing them again. Every day, I get more and more anxious. I had finally started to feel comfortable in New York, and now we have to move again? I’m helplessly crushed, and I have no idea how the heck I’m going to survive in Ireland.

The time finally comes. The first day of school in Ireland. Gotta remember to call soccer football again. After 8 long hours, I’m like: Well. It wasn’t that bad. Maybe I can get by. 4th grade goes by, and so does 5th grade, and 6th grade, and finally, I’m nearing the end of 7th grade, when I’m bombarded with another announcement. “You’re going back to India. We’ve enrolled you in a great IB scho-” 

What?! This time, I feel like I’m going to go crazy. Once again, just as I was finally enjoying my life in Ireland, I got the news that I’m going back. So, everytime I laugh at my friend’s joke, I think maybe this is the last time. Every time I take a bite out of my lunch, I think maybe this is the last sandwich I eat in this country. Maybe the last St. Patrick’s day parade… 

Fast forward again, this time to 8th grade. I’m in India, and life is good. I have a bunch of friends, and I’m enjoying playing cricket and competing in chess tournaments. The year goes by fast, and 9th grade comes by. I’m feeling great. I’m enjoying my life, and the only thing that can upset me is if someone reminds me that India lost the 2023 Cricket World Cup. But, otherwise, I’m having a blast. And then… the day comes… again…

A different school. A different country. Different people. The last time I’ll play football with my friends. The last time I’ll go to the second floor bathroom. The last time I’ll go to the first floor bathroom. The last time I’ll go to the third floor bathroom. All these thoughts, and more, keep replaying in my head during the last day of school. To be honest, I really don’t know what to feel, once again. 

But maybe that’s fine.

Someone wise once said “change is the only constant”. So I guess this is just “change” reasserting itself into my life. Because moving schools might mean the end of one experience, but it’s also the beginning of another. Because for every last day of 9th grade, there’s a first day of 10th grade. Maybe it only gets easier when we embrace the change. When we normalize it, instead of resisting it. Because… without change, we really wouldn’t be here. 

Would you like to share your feelings with TeenBook? Send us your thoughts in the comments box! Remember, not to put any personal information in the comment box.

Dear Diary,
I’m not even being dramatic when I say that literally everyone I know is on vacation right now. EVERYONE. The school WhatsApp group is filled with “Guess where I am?” messages, and every time I open Instagram, I see some classmate living their best beach life while I’m here — in my room, in my pajamas, eating leftover rajma chawal.

Neha is in Kerala posing with elephants and waterfalls. Aarav is on a houseboat, being all “sunsets and peace vibes”. Don’t even get me started on Isha — her entire story is just one long montage of her Goa trip. Sun, sea, pool selfies, and her new “vacay OOTDs” every five seconds.

And now… brace yourself… two of my classmates are in Europe. EUROPE, Diary. One is doing a “Europe in 10 days” trip — Eiffel Tower one day, gondola in Venice the next. I mean, I didn’t even know you could pack that much into one trip. The other one posted a story from Amsterdam today and just casually added “Next stop: Paris” like it’s no big deal.

And me? Well, I’m currently sitting on the floor of my room because my bed is covered in unfolded laundry. 

I won’t lie,  I’ve been feeling a lot of pressure. Not from my parents or teachers, but from social media. It’s like if you’re not on a mountain, beach, or some cobblestone European street right now, you’re not doing summer “right.” Every scroll just reminds me that I have no fancy plans. Zero. Zilch. Not even a weekend getaway.

At this point, even the fridge is judging me. Every time I open it for a cold drink or a snack, it’s like, “Back again? Don’t you have a life?”

BUT (surprisingly), something shifted. The first few days were full of boredom and FOMO. But slowly, I started enjoying the stillness. I picked up that novel Ma had been begging me to read, and I’m actually hooked. It’s like entering a whole new world — no passport needed.

I also tried cooking something other than instant noodles. Attempted banana pancakes (they looked like weird blobs but tasted okay-ish) and even helped Dad with his new chai experiment. Spoiler alert : we added tulsi, and now he thinks he’s a tea sommelier or something.

And Nani, she surprised me with a story about her childhood crush! Apparently, a boy used to cycle past her gali every day just to get a glimpse of her. Who knew Nani had her own little Bollywood romance?

Sure, I still feel a huge pang of jealousy when I see vacation posts. But I’ve realized that sometimes, doing “nothing” is kind of a vibe. I’ve had slow mornings, long naps, and random creative bursts. I even painted for the first time in months!

So while my summer didn’t include passports, flights, or photogenic brunches, it did include something kinda rare in this teenage life, peace. And that’s not bad at all.

Would I swap it all for a trip to Italy? Probably.
But until then, I’m learning to enjoy my staycation.

Till next time,
Your not-on-vacay but calm for the first time,
– Me

Would you like to share your feelings with TeenBook? Send us your thoughts in the comments box! Remember, not to put any personal information in the comment box.

​​Advika: Hey, that picture you posted yesterday, you looked amazing! Loved the dress.

Charu: Thanks… but honestly, I might delete it when I go back home today.

Advika: Why? What happened?

Charu: When I look in the mirror, I just… I don’t like what I see. Like, everyone around me looks so perfect all the time. And it’s like no matter what I do, I never feel enough. Like, why can’t I just be okay with myself, the way I am?  I wear baggy clothes so no one notices me but even then I feel like I’m not good enough. Like, no matter what I do, it’s never it.

Advika: Why do you feel that way?

Charu: Recently, I posted a pic in this dress the other day, it was kinda bold for me, but I actually felt good for once. And then I saw the comments… people calling me ‘flat’ and saying I look like a boy. or ‘where are the curves?’ Honestly, why do people have to ruin everything?

Advika: I’m so sorry you had to read those things about yourself. That’s just awful.

Charu: It’s not just that one post though. It’s happened my whole life. People keep saying things like “You should eat more,” or “You’ll fly away in the wind,” as if it’s harmless fun. But their words deeply affect me and make me feel uncomfortable in my skin.

Advika: I wish people would understand the impact their words can have on others. A joke for them can become an insecurity for someone else.

Charu:  And what stings the most? It’s not just strangers. Sometimes it’s the people closest to me. Like the other day, my aunt just casually goes, ‘Real women have curves.’ Like… so what am I then? Fake? 

Advika: Oh Charu, I’m so sorry she said that. That must’ve really hurt. It’s so unfair how people say stuff like that without thinking. You shouldn’t have to laugh it off just to protect yourself.

Charu: I know. I guess I’ve just spent so many years hearing things like that, it’s hard to shake it off.

Advika: I get it. But listen, try looking at your so-called flaws not as things to hide or fix, but things that make you you.  Who even decides what ‘perfect’ looks like? To me, it’s when someone’s just being themselves. That’s way more powerful than any filter or body type. 

Charu:  Of course it’s tough. I’’ve been hearing this stuff for years. It’ll take time to unlearn it, but even just talking about it like this? That’s a brave first step I feel.

Advika: Totally. And for your next step, try and be your own cheerleader. If others are putting you down, you’ve got to lift yourself up. Maybe write down one thing you love about yourself every day-just one. Your confidence should come from within, not from what other people say.

Charu: Hmm, okay. I’ll try. It’s just so easy to believe the negative stuff.

Advika: It’s so messed up how we’re made to believe looks = worth. But girl, the stuff people actually remember? It’s how you made them laugh, how you listened when they needed someone, not whether you had perfect skin or a ‘model’ body.

Charu: You’re right. I’ve never really looked at it that way before. Maybe I am already enough… I just need to remind myself more often.

Advika: Exactly! And I’ll remind you too every single time you forget.

Charu: Thanks, Advika. Talking to you makes me feel a little lighter. Maybe I won’t delete that post after all. 

Advika: That’s the spirit. Keep showing up as you. The world needs more of that. 

Have you ever been in this situation? Share with us in the comments box below. Remember not to share any personal information in the comment boxes.

— Myra, 16, Delhi

Hey Cutie,

Welcome to the Era of Relationship Labels™, where every kind of romantic situation seems to have its own name – and honestly, I’m here for it. Because sometimes, “just friends” or “dating” doesn’t quite cover the messy in-between stuff.

Basically, ‘It’s Complicated’ just got new names: situationships & nanoships. So let’s break it down, one ship at a time

What’s a situationship?

Welcome to the gray area of a relationship. It’s when there’s lots of talking, a bit of flirting (like joking around, saying sweet things, giving special attention), and everything feels romantic – but there’s no label. Not “boyfriend-girlfriend,” not even “we’re dating”- just “let’s see what happens” kind of thing.

So a situationship is basically a “not single but not quite dating either” kind of a relationship. 

You’re:

• Talking a lot

• Maybe even flirting or spending a lot of time together

• Possibly acting like a couple (hanging out, texting 24/7, even kissing)
  

But…

• You haven’t defined the relationship

• There’s no label

• And honestly, things can feel a little confusing
  

Think of it like being stuck on the “typing…” screen of a chat — you keep waiting for something real to show up. But let’s be honest there is no guarantee. It could be a message, or they could simply stop typing and you can do nothing about it. 

Why it happens:

Lots of people end up in situationships because they don’t want the pressure of a full-on relationship, or they’re scared to define it in case it “ruins the vibe.” Totally your choice – but it can be emotionally tricky if one person starts catching deeper feelings and the other doesn’t.

So then… What’s a nanoship?

Imagine this – you like someone a lot. You overthink every text, watch their stories on loop, and talk about them non-stop with your friends. You feel all the feels, but… there’s no actual relationship. You’ve never dated, maybe never even said how you feel.

That’s a nanoship – a relationship that doesn’t really exist, except totally in your head. No official talks, no labels, no “we’re a thing”… just intense emotions, daydreams, and maybe a few flirty chats.

Sometimes, the other person might not even know how deep you’re in.

It could be:

• A crush you’ve barely spoken to but imagine dating

• A few messages exchanged, then poof! But you still think about it constantly

• A vibe you felt strongly… but the other person maybe didn’t even notice

Nanoships are a blink-and-you’ll-miss-it kinda deal.They are usually very short-lived, barely real, and mostly powered by overthinking, imagination, and sometimes a good playlist.

Why it happens: 

Because feelings are real even if the relationship wasn’t! Especially during teenage years, our brains love to romanticize. And let’s be honest – sometimes a one-sided daydream feels better than heartbreak.

So… are they bad?

Not necessarily! They’re just part of how relationships are evolving — and how people are learning what they want and don’t want.

But here’s my big-sister advice:

• With situationships – Be honest with yourself. If it’s making you feel confused, anxious, or undervalued, talk about it. Labels aren’t everything, but clarity is important.

• With nanoships – Enjoy the fantasy, but don’t get stuck there. It’s okay to daydream, just don’t ignore real-life chances for connection.  It can be fun – until it starts to hurt. So it’s important to check in with yourself: Is this real? Or just a heart-made illusion?

Quick test: Are you in one of these?

1. How often do you talk?
   A. Daily or almost daily
   B. Once in a blue moon (usually when THEY text first) 
2. Do you hang out or do couple-y things?
   A. Yup, but it’s still “undefined”
   B. Nah, I just replay that one smile they gave me six months ago 
3. Have you imagined a relationship with them?
   A. Yep, and sometimes I think we’re already halfway there
   B. I’ve imagined it 100 times… in my head… alone 
4. Do they know how you feel?
   A. Maybe? We’ve danced around it…
   B. LOL no. Not even their bestie knows I exist 

Mostly A’s? You’re in a situationship – more than friends, less than official. Time to decide if you want clarity or to bounce.

Mostly B’s? It’s a nanoship – a mini crush with max imagination. Totally normal, but maybe it’s time to focus that energy on YOU 

A mix of both, you say? Then you might be in a Situ-Nano-Ship – You’re emotionally invested like a situationship, but the other person is treating it like a background tab—open, but inactive. You feel the feels, but there’s no real action, clarity, or effort from their side. It’s like being stuck in a trailer that never becomes a full movie

Final word?

These new labels help us talk about things our parents never even had words for. Whether you’re in a full-blown relationship, a ‘ship’, or just enjoying a harmless crush, the main thing is: know your worth, communicate openly, and don’t settle for confusion if it’s hurting you.

You deserve clarity. You deserve respect. And if all else fails, talk to your bestie, eat some chocolate, and text me.

Here always,
– Disha

Got a question or a doubt? Then come Ask Disha! The coolest Trusted Adult in India, Disha, will answer all your queries on Growing Up! Post them in the comments box below or send them to our Insta inbox! Disha will respond to them in upcoming columns. Please remember not to put out any personal information. 

A few days ago, I was on my way home from office, sitting quietly in the metro. That’s when I overheard a girl talking to her friend. She said she wasn’t happy with her skin colour and wanted to try some new products to fix it. And just like that, it hit me – I’d been in that exact same place once. But my issue was different. It was my height.

I’ve always been on the shorter side – just a little over 4 feet. And honestly, it was like the only thing people ever noticed about me. My family used to stress out so much about it. “Shaadi kaise hogi iski?” was the usual background music at home. And just when I thought things couldn’t get worse, I got glasses. Yup, now I was short and wore specs. The name-calling began – “chashmish,” and a bunch of other weird stuff. Some even came from my own family.

The “height problem” obsession

There was this cousin whose daughter was also short. Her family was struggling to find a match for her. So, naturally, they turned to the Internet and ordered some height-increasing medicines. And guess what? My family copied them and handed me the same meds. No doctor, no questions. 

By then, I was already tired of the stares, the jokes, and the “friendly” advice. So I didn’t even think twice. I just started taking those pills, secretly hoping I’d grow taller overnight. For a week straight, I took them without missing a day. But instead of growing taller, my body started reacting to it.

When things went downhill

Sticky liquid started coming out of my breasts, and soon after, I got my first period -way earlier than expected. That was scary. Then came the tiredness, mood swings, loss of appetite. I was cranky all the time. Basically, I was falling apart and had no idea why.

Finally, my mumma took me to a doctor. The moment he heard about the meds, he said, “Stop them. Now.” He told us those medicines were messing with my hormones and could cause long-term damage. 

Lesson learned the hard way

That experience taught me a big lesson: never mess with your body just to fit in or meet some random beauty standard. So what if I’m short? That doesn’t make me any less cool or capable. I don’t need to change to please anyone.

Today, I own my height. I rock my glasses. I love my body, just the way it is. No filters, no fakeness. Just me.

And honestly? That’s more than enough.

Hey there! So, you got the news about your midterms, huh? Well, grab a seat and lend me your ear, because your favourite trusted adult, Disha, is here to dish out some much-needed wisdom, sprinkle a little motivation, and get you back on track.

It’s just one exam

First off, let’s tackle the big picture: failing a midterm might sting a bit, but trust me, it’s far from the end of the world. Think of it as a speed bump on the highway of your academic journey. Take a deep breath and repeat after me: “It’s just an exam, not the end of my studies or the world, for that matter.” Got it? Perfect.

Reflect and regroup

Now, let’s dive into the deep end and talk about learning from the past. Every stumble is an opportunity to grow and learn. So, take a moment to reflect on what tripped you up. Were you putting off studying? Did you struggle with certain concepts? Identify the obstacles, and then formulate a plan to conquer them in the future.

It’s okay to seek help 

Next, it’s time to level up for the upcoming exams. Roll up your sleeves, study smarter, and give it your all. And hey, don’t shy away from having a heart-to-heart with mom and dad about it. They’re your biggest cheerleaders, even if they dish out a bit of tough love.

So, things may have gone a tad off course this time around. It’s a common pitfall, nothing to beat yourself up over. Perhaps it’s worth considering some extra support, like tuition classes asking your mom/dad to teach you or joining study groups. Remember, seeking help is a sign of strength, not weakness.

And don’t forget to touch base with your teachers. Assure them that you’re committed to bouncing back and ask for their guidance. They’ll appreciate your initiative and dedication to improving.

You’ve got this!

Now, let’s talk attitude. Your mindset can make or break your success. Keep your chin up, stay positive, and give it your all. Remember, you’re capable of achieving greatness, and this setback is just a stepping stone on your path to success.

Understanding over grades

And here’s a nugget of wisdom: don’t get bogged down by the nitty-gritty details. Focus on understanding the subjects and putting forth your best effort. The grades will follow suit.

To sum it up: learn from your missteps, put in the work, seek support when needed, and maintain a positive outlook. You’ve got this, champ! Now go out there and show those exams who’s boss!

And remember, if you ever need a pep talk or some friendly advice, you know where to find me. I’ve got your back, always. Keep pushing forward, and don’t ever doubt yourself. Peace out!

#AskDisha is an advice column run by the editorial team at TeenBook India. The advice given in the columns is science-based but general in nature. Parents and adolescents should seek help from a professional or expert for specific concerns or issues.